Hits, Shots & Europeans

Need a big hit

• Hit him so hard that when he stops rolling his clothes will be out of style
• Hit him so hard that it"ll effect his fourth child
• Drop him like a bad transmission
• He"ll sink you like a three foot putt
• He"ll flip you like a cheese omelet
• He"ll hit you so hard your kids will be born dizzy
• Check please
• He"ll kick you like an extra point
• Somebody plant him in the punkin"patch
• Get whacked, ya tube
• Bend over, _______, it"s time for your spankin"
• Give him a high grain slobber knocker
• This ain"t no fruit cup festival...hit somebody
• Give him your widow maker
• Flatten his schnozzola
• Give him your Sunday punch
• Give him what for
• Why I oughta pound you
• Now you"ve made me very angry
• He"s an anti-dentite...bust his teeth
• You in a heap of trouble, boy
• We"re gonna fix your wagon good
• How would you like to be up to your knees in ice?
• Where"s Morton Downey when you need him?
• I"d like to settle his hash
• He needs some serious butt flogging
• Say your prayers, you heathen baboons
• You"re heading for a smacked bottom
• Turn him into a (color of jersey) stain
• Rip him a new one
• Hit "em high, hit "em low, hit "em where they say "oh no!"
• This is when Mr. Hand becomes Mr. Fist
• We"ve come here to chew bubblegum and kick butt...and we"re all out of bubblegum!
• Maybe it"s just me, but I believe we"re going to have to get medieval on your buttocks!
• I guarantee you that Tootoo is about to plant somebody six feet under, and he"s got a pine box full of ass whoop.
• I am Indigo Montoya...you keeled my father...prepare to die!
• Rain fists upon his twisted purple yap
• Give him the hammer
• Quit discussing whether Mentos really is the freshmaker...pound him
• Honk the horn, lay on the high beams, and go after him
• Grind him into a syrupy paste
• Lock and load
• Bust him like a pinata
• Serve up some elbow smasheroni
• kicketh their tails forthwith
• Tear him up like a kleenex at a snot party
• Stomp him into a bloody goo
• Take no prisoners...spare no lives
• Kill "em all and let God sort "em out
• Face off! Face off! Tear their face off!
• Somebody punch his ticket
• Pound him like a baby seal!
• We"re gonna jack you up, sucka!
• Stick him in the neck with an ink pen!
• Smack that skanky sweat off his face
• Pull his lips off and tie them to the crossbar
• It"s OK to fold, spindle, and mutilate!
• It"s time to split some wigs!
• Drop him like 3rd period French
• Give him a purple nurple
• Make him an offer he can"t refuse
• Cwucify him and cwucify him well!

Big hit

• Ooooo, that"ll leave a mark
• Wham bam, thank ya ma"m
• He gave him a facial, and was heavy on the rouge
• Take a waft o"this
• Delightful
• This is pure chewing satisfaction
• Blast him into atoms
• Welcome to Smash Vegas
• Mama Mia that"s a spicey meatball
• Face!
• Bring it on, sweat meat
• Wicked!
• Shiver me timbers
• Get bent
• Aroooooooga
• Give him what for
• He"s one tough bunny
• Judgment cometh and right soon
• Be there any varmint that aims to tame me?
• Lather, rinse, and repeat (as needed)
• He"s a ring-tailed snorter
• Oh, the humanity
• Does someone have a band aid or anti bacterial cream?
• Will a doctor please report to the _________ bench?
• His wound is beginning to smell like almonds...which is not good
• Get in my belly, wee man
• Specticles, testicles, wallet, and watch
• Frisky are we?
• Ouch, baby...very ouch
• You don"t give a man a shot in the pills..it"s just not criquet
• Ooooh, right in the mommy and daddy button
• Why I"ll moider you
• HA-ha
• Whooo-ah! I"m just gettin"started
• You fight with the strength of many men
• Stand aside, worthy adversary
• Chaos..panic...disorder: Our work here is done
• Wherever you go, whatever you do...ALWAYS be a good sport
• Let the beatings begin
• We feel your pain...and it hurts so good
• Get in my belly
• Yo momma AND yo daddy
• It"s but a flesh wound
• It"s curtains for you, bub
• He doesn"t know whether to cry or wind his watch
• He dialed him up like Alexander Graham Bell
• One ringee dingee, two ringee dingees
• Helloooooh Betty
• Check please
• Avast ye matey
• It"s go time, skippy
• Giddy-up
• Towanda
• That dog"ll hunt
• Yabba dabba doo
• They taught us how to love, they taught us how to live
• And your little dog, too
• I believe he just soiled his drawers
• Smear his pasty face
• Have at thee, scoundrel
• This angries up the blood
• Be afraid, be very afraid
• Soitenly
• Auntie Em, Auntie Em
• You"re not the boss of me
• Danger, Will Robinson
• He"s tougher than a two dollar steak
• I am death, destroyer of worlds
• He look like he just got hit in the face with a bag of "What the Fu..."(SHUT YO MOUTH!)...I"m just talkin""bout _______(player who got smashed)
• You, off my planet!
• Puttin"on the foil!
• Oh, Glee!
• Not in the face, NOT IN THE FACE!
• You just ordered the Time-Life set of Ass Whoop.
• You have a really striking face. How many times have you been struck there?
• So, _______, we meet again at last
• Fugettaboutit!
• Bada-bing, bada-boom!
• Sometimes good things happen to bad people
• Will you stop fighting?....it's scaring me (whiney voice)
• Connectamundo
• Spank me
• Check if you're bleeding...cause you just got tagged
• You're in our world now, grandma
• It"s all fun and games until someone loses a reproductive organ
• The tingle tells you its working
• Boink!
• Take SENSIBLE bites
• Thank you sir, I"ll have another
• Wing your partner round and round, hit "em in the helmet and knock them down
• That"s enough back-sass from you
• That was a restaurant quality ass kicking
• You can put him in the BOOOOARDS.....YYE-ESS!
• Anybody got a building permit? "Cause he just got nailed!
• Somebody call 911 cause there"s pain in the house
• Excuse me while I whip this out
• It"s all fun and games until someone loses a tooth...then it"s HOCKEY!
• Incoming!
• Whip up some gravy, "cause that guy just got mashed!
• Now we"re cookin"with gas
• Yipee Ay-Oh Kie-yea
• He"s stickin"-it to the Man
• It"s only funny until someone gets hurt...then it"s hilarious
• It might be, it could be, it IS... a contusion!
• It only stings for a few seconds
• Can"t get enough of that nasty stuff
• The hills are alive with the sound of blood shed
• he got hit so hard, he"s glowing
• Somebody get some honey glaze-that ham just got smoked
• That guy gets hit more than a Hitler pinata at a Bar Mitzvah
• Don"t worry, you"re mom will come pick you up
• I hope your insurance is paid up
• When you"re slapped, you"ll take it and LIKE it
• He slimed me
• Ooops, idid it again, baby!
• Let me find my balls...1....2......and 3
• Judo chop! Judo kick! Judo flip!
• Don"t you "Do you mind?"ME!
• Somebody call the Waaaaambulance!

Poor Sooting

• Good shootin", Tex
• It"s not the arrow, it"s the indian
• Nice aim, William Tell
• Juuuuuuust a bit outside
• Dammit Jim, I"m a doctor not a six million dollar goal scorer
• He couldn"t hit the broad side of a barn
• He couldn"t hit the ground if he fell out of a plane
• He"s all missile with no warhead
• You couldn't hit the shift key
• You couldn't knock the skin off pudding
• You couldn't hit sand if you fell off a camel
• Good wood, solid spank...not quite major league crank
• Air puck! Air puck! Air puck!
• You couldn"t hit water if you fell out of a boat
• You"re all booster and no payload
• You"ve got Jungle Disease: you like Tarzan, but swing like Jane
• You couldn"t score a goal if you were swingin"in an empty crease
• Close your eyes and shoot...it"ll improve your chances
• Your shots have the velocity of a falling leaf
• Sa-wing batta-batta-batta-batta, sa-wiiiiiing
• Nice pass, Montana
• I felt the draft on that one way up here
• There"s more heat in an Amish home than his shot generates
• Swing and a miss
• Hey, maybe you"re a lefty
• I"ve seen better cuts in a deli
• You swing like a rusty gate
• Did ya get a haircut, Samson?
• You couldn"t hit a bull in the butt with a shovel
• You should take a mulligan on that shot
• You couldn"t shoot your way out of a wet paper bag
• I"ve seen better swings on a condemned playground
• You couldn"t hit Rosanne Barr"s bulbous behind with a bass fiddle
• You couldn"t hit the ocean from the end of a pier
• I don"t know what kind of shot that was, but it tastes like chicken
• You"re building a house with the bricks you"re throwin"up there
• You couldn"t throw a pea in the Caribbean Sea
• You couldn"t throw a pie in the oven
• That shot was a prayer that wasn"t answered (even on a Sunday)
• Somebody get a string on that kite!
• Shoot it like you have a pair!
• Be a pimp and SLAP it!
• Why"d you even bring a stick?
• Apparently somebody things practice is over-rated.
• You couldn"t hit the ground if you fell out of a helicopter.
• I"ve seen better cuts on a Bee Gees album.
• If that"s your best swing, I "d hate to see your golf game.
• Hit it with your wallet!
• You couldn"t knock snow off a rope
• Just put the stick down and nobody gets hurt!
• He"s floating air biscuits out there.

Shot hits the post

• He draws iron...but I"d rather that he paint a red light
• Big Ben strikes One.
• One ringee dingee
• That dinner bell is ringin"...it"s about time to eat!
• Was that the post or his skull that I heard
• He dialed him up like Alexander Graham Bell

Puck into the Crowd

• One, two, three, fo...that one"s in the 7th row!
• New puck, please
• Please dial 9 to get out of the building
• You"re gonna need a passport to get that one back
• Back, back, back, back, back...gone!
• You better bring your floaties, "cause he just went da-eeep!
• Anything that travels that far should have a stewardess on it
• You better dial 8 for long distance
• Warning track...wall...you can touch "em all!
• Here"s a little somethin"for the people up top
• he got all of that one
• There"s a drive....oh! Just foul!
• You can kiss it good-bye!
• It might be...it could be...it IS! Sammy Sosa!
• Run away! Run away!

Europeans

• You"re WHAT hurts?
• Gazuntieht!
• Those slovacks have a name for EVERYTHING!
• Comrade, you still suck
• No matter how you pronounce it, it means Poop Stink in English
• Hey, _________, buy a vowel
• (name), the human Word Jumble