General Nonsense

• Somebody make me a sweet tomata sammich
• That"s better than Aunt Emma"s rhubarb pie
• A Goo Goo Cluster for General Custer, he"s gettin"slaughtered
• What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
• Revenge is best served cold
• Sweet merciful Magilicutty
• Boiled muskrat gravy
• Aye me bucko
• A truly crass yet magnificent affair
• Let"s take a ride on Dante the Wonder Mule
• It"s a push, pull, or drag sale at the big house tonight
• Sweet sassy malassy
• I"ll be a coal miner"s two ton daughter
• Doogie Howser"s flaming trousers
• Heavens to mergatroid
• He"s got what the French call a certain kind of ...I don"t know what
• It"s Jeff the King of Biscuits
• That"s nasal pastry on a Nilla Wafer
• We"re going side car express
• This ain"t barnyard golf...it"s a Tennessee tail whippin"
• Bend the throttle, Barbarella
• Hand me that piano, Dagwood
• Bodacious hootenanny, si?
• Turn up the hog caller and let the bidding begin
• Send lawyers, guns, and money
• It"s like moose huntin"on a Harley
• Barney Rubble, what an actor
• He slices, he dices, he makes Julianne Fries...but wait, there"s more: Heee shoots + scores
• Mon amie, it"s time to toga
• Sweet Agnes Sixbutts
• Eat your beets, buddy
• Buy Sam a drink and his dog one too
• She wants to sell my monkey
• Pour me another frosty Blatz
• Oh mama, put me to bed
• I have seen enough to know that I have seen too much
• Deviled eggs for everyone
• I"ll be Roger Mudd"s mother
• Shine up your shoes, it"s time to start dancin"on ______"s flat head
• What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it"s all about?
• Lions and Tigers and Bears...Oh My!
• Tastes Great...Less Filling!
• I"m Gumbie, dammit!
• Thank you, Mr. Obvious...you"re some kind of perceptive
• The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!
• Be prepared to reap the whirlwind, gentlemen
• There"s a carnival like atmosphere here tonight!
• The unfortunate Denny Pratt tragedy
• Mother Mary and Joseph!
• Sweet Fancy Moses!
• Sweet Mystery of Life, I"ve finally found you.
• I"m a visionary with glaucoma
• Get right outta town!
• You see, we"re on a mission from God.
• If you only knew the power of the Dark Side.
• Hi Schmoopie! Hi, Schmoopie! No, YOU"RE Schmoopie!
• Spoon!
• Surely, you can"t be serious! I am serious, and don"t call me Shirley.
• If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
• Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp"to have an "s"in it?
• If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
• Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
• It"s all fun and games until someone loses a reproductive organ.
• I"d rather have a free bottle in front of me, than a prefrontal lobotomy.
• Don"t ever play "Lady of Spain"again!
• Most folk heroes start as criminals
• Ya know what I mean, Vern?
• And now you know the REST of the story
• 'Tis but a skirmish on the frozen seas in the War for Hocketonia
• Bad Andy, Good Pizza
• Hunker down, man
• And it's time to play the Fued
• You can put it on the board, YES!
• How can you have pudding when you haven't finished your meat?
• Pick a letter, buy a vowel, or spin
• Good wood, solid spank, major league crank
• It's the feel good edition
• Crackatoa, east of Java
• The red blood cell count is up, Oh Hemoglobin
• Yahtzee
• I am amused by the simplicity of this game
• We all know the games aren't played on paper...they're played by little men inside TV sets
• My power is beyond your understanding
• Do you want to play with fire, Scarecrow?
• It's do-si-do and away they go
• Can I get a witness from the congregation?
• Rock me, Amadeus
• That's the fact, Jack
• Roll up the windows and lock the doors, we might be in for a long one
• We are equal opportunity annoyers
• It"s not just a game, it"s an adventure!
• Rock stars...is there anything they DON"T know?
• The Power of Christ compels you
• Predators Hockey: Survival of the Fiercest!
• If a parsley farmer is sued, do they garnish his wages?
• Is it true that cannibals won"t eat clowns because they taste funny?
• I wanna die with you Wendy in the streets tonight in an everlasting kiss
• Tramps like us, baby we were born to run
• W.W.X.D? What Would Xena Do?
• Give me ambiguity, or give me something else!
• I wouldn"t be caught dead with a necrophyliac
• We"re on a Gravy Train with biscuit wheels!
• I suffer from Voice Immodulation!
• Keep the Funk Alive!
• Wait until the car comes to a complete stop before exiting
• When in doubt, I ship it out-I got me a rock "n"roll band. It"s a free for all!
• The stakes are high and so am I-it"s in the air tonight. It"s a free for all!
• That ain"t workin". That"s the way you do it. Get your money for nuthin"and your chicks for free
• Your call will be ignored in the order it was received
• It"s ramming speed at tuna lagoon!
• Please turn your head and cough
• The buck doesn"t even slow down here
• I don"t repeat gossip...so listen carefully
• Well beat me senseless and call me happy!
• Eliminate and abolish redundancy
• Never believe generalizations
• Relish today! Ketchup tomorrow!
• What doesn"t kill you only postpones the inevitable
• Boy bands are the spawn of Satan
• Rock is dead...long live paper and scissors!
• Prepare to bow before our invincible irony and sarcasm
• If you can"t take a joke, then take a hike!
• Don"t sweat the petty things; and don"t pet the sweaty things
• You can pick your nose and pick your friends; but you can"t wipe your friends on the couch
• Remember: Pillage THEN burn!
• Stop global whining
• If they can send 1 member of N"Sync into outer space, why can"t they send them all?
• I"m not forty-something...I"m $39.95 plus tax
• If it"s too loud, then you"re too old
• I"ve upped my standards...now up yours
• Drug Rehab Centers are for quitters
• If your eyes are the windows to your soul, then is your nose the doorbell?
• Tell a buddy and bring a friend-buy; sell; trade! Don"t you dare miss it!
• I may not have the key to success, but I know how to pick the lock
• We Rock!
• You cannot question our level of rockness
• Our rock-icity is paramount
• If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. If life gives you limes, make margaritas
• You can run, but you can"t hide, brother
• Long time listener, first time caller
• Caller, turn your radio down
• A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants
• If the professor on Gilligan"s Island can made a radio out of a coconut, why can"t he fix a hole in a boat?
• 4 out of 5 people think the fifth guy is an idiot
• Snip-snip here, snip-snip there, and a couple of tra-la-la"s
• Wave yo freak flag
• Put some stank on it
• Dat was off da hook
• I gots to be screamin"
• If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
• If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
• Well cut off my legs and call me shorty!
• Break us off somethin"proper
• We got more flava than Kool Aid and Cocoa
• I play my enemies like a game of chess
• I like the way you work it, no diggity
• It"s my world, kids, and the rest of you are just payin"rent
• Break me off a little somethin"somethin"
• That must be jam, cuz jelly don"t shake like that
• Call me big mama when you back that thang up
• We"re not picking on you...it"s our job
• You will report to the stables tonight and EVERY night at 19 hundred hours, and WITHOUT your Pledge Pin!
• Looks like sody-pop...watch it fizz!
• Get out the rye bread and mustard, Granny...it"s grand salami time!
• Put your tray tables and seat backs in their upright and locked position. We"re #1 for takeoff
• Good morning, good afternoon, and good night!
• Take off your pants and jacket, baby!
• Put on your fightin"shoes, "cause we"re in for a donnybrook!
• Get your dirty paws off me, you damn, dirty ape!
• Lucy, you got some "splainin"to do
• I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food
• If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you"ve never tried before
• Not one shred of evidence supports the idea that life is serious
• For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
• A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand
• Eagles may soar, but weasels don"t get sucked into a jet engine
• Consider the daffodil. And while you"re doing that, I"ll be over here looking thru your stuff
• On the whole, I think Preparation H feels good To me, hockey is like ballet, except there"s no music, no choreography, and the dancers smash each other.
• Who throws a cupcake...honestly?
• If you ever drop your keys in a river of molten lava, let "em go..."cause man, they"re gone
• It"s nothin"but porkpies and a bag of tripe!
• How "bout a smoke and pancake? Flapjack and a cigar? Pipe and a crepe? Bong and a blintz?
• I was adopted by freakin"Belgians, heh?
• Waffles and brussel sprouts filled the air
• Easy peezy, lemon squeezy
• I thought I smelled cabbage!
• On top of spaaa..gheeeetie all covered with cheeee...eeeze
• I didn"t have any corn?!
• I have a huge rodent problem. A bit off topic, but a tragic problem nonetheless
• Mole...mole...moooooole. Cut it off, slice it up and make some guaca-MOLE-eeee
• Confucious say: crowded elevator smell different to midget
• Confucious say: fly who rest on toilet seat get pissed off
• Confucious say: if you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient
• The Romanesque Church Design was based on the Roman Basilica...discuss
• Don"t eat the urinal mints
• Blessed are the cheese makers
• Two pointy ones, a flat one, and a packet of gravel
• Alms for an ex-leper! Ja-gu-ars earlobes...ocelot spleens...wolf nipple chips!
• I want them fighting wabid, wild animals within a week!
• Welease Waja!
• A bicycle can"t stand on its own because it is two-tired
• What"s the definition of a will? It"s a dead giveaway
• A backwards poet writes inverse
• In democracy it"s your vote that counts. In fuedalism its your Count that votes
• A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion
• If you can"t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed
• Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I"ll show you A-flat minor
• That man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered
• A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blown-apart
• Every calendar"s days are numbered
• The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison would be a small medium at large
• Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end
• Santa"s helpers are subordinate clauses
• Acupuncture is a jab well done
• Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer from the agony of da feet
• Isn"t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
• OK...if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags"and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs,"then what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
• If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean one of them enjoys it?
• If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
• If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
• When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
• If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed Up?
• News Flash! Police Station toilet stolen! Cops have nothing to go on.
• If all else fails, stop using all else.
• When life gives you lemons, shut up and eat your damn lemons!
• Never pet a burning dog!
• I"m feeling uppity!
• Heartless mockery is practiced here.
• We"re not good at empathy. Will you settle for sarcasm?
• EVERYBODY should get to box Paula Jones.
• If we weren"t meant to eat animals, how come they taste like meat?
• Why do psychics have to ask your name?
• I love cats...but I can"t eat a whole one.
• I feel so naked without my clothes.
• Everything we needed to know we learned in prison.
• I AM the Man from Nantucket!
• Everyone says I"m in denial, but really, I"m not!
• Your Jedi Mind Tricks do not work on me.
• Well, la de frickin"DA!
• Practice safe eating-always use condiments.
• Down with pants! Up with kilts!
• Follow that car, Godzilla...and step on it!
• Always Avoid Alliteration.
• Sometimes I wake up Grumpy. Other times I let her sleep.
• The only person who got everything done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe
• A barrel of monkeys would not be fun...it would be horrifying!
• Oxymoron #6: Customer Service
• Oxymoron #8: Mental Bliss
• Oxymoron #9: Political Ethics
• Oxymoron #12: Cafeteria Food
• Oxymoron #14: Microsoft Works
• Oxymoron #18: Rap Music
• Oxymoron #21: Government Assistance
• Oxymoron #22: Original Copy
• Oxymoron #30: Self-Help Group
• I used to be a kleptomaniac, but I took something for it.
• Save a tree! Wipe your butt with an owl!
• Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
• Men say the first thing they notice about women is their eyes. Women say the first thing they
• Notice about men is that men are a bunch of liars!
• Health nuts are gonna feel stupid someday lying in a hospital dying of nothing.
• Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach them to use the internet and they won"t
• Bother you for weeks.
• If at first you don"t succeed, then skydiving isn"t for you.
• Always remember: you"re unique. Just like everyone else.
• Why is the word "dictionary"IN the dictionary?
• Why is "abbreviated"such a long word?
• Why is the third hand on a watch called the second hand?
• I don"t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
• If it wasn"t for the last minute, NOTHING would get done.
• Remember, kids: don"t take candy from strangers unless they offer you a ride.