The Opposition

• You maloderous heap of parrott droppings
• We"re not being rude....you"re just insignificant
• You improvident lack wit
• Beg for mercy, you panzies
• I don"t think you"ve got the grapes
• Survey says: You reek
• ________ is a mouth breather
• Your rep is bismirtched and sullied
• No soup for you
• You"re a hogs-head of sour owl sick
• He"s slicker than whale snot on an ice flow
• You pendulous-breasted Mennonite wet nurse
• You regularly seek the low company of card sharps, dandies, and assorted beasts of the field
• You"re ten pounds of monkey crap in a five pound bag
• Sit on it, Potsy
• You dropped your purse, you sissy
• Where"s your dress and lipstick sweet cheeks?
• Grab some pine, pal
• Give me an R...give an E...give me a D......what"s that spell? LOSERS
• What a fruit cup
• Die, you gravy sucking pigs
• You suck...and your little dog, too
• His drug abuse was legendary
• He"s Nimrod"s Great Uncle
• Well, bless your little pea-pickin"heart....you scum bag
• Ya long eared galute
• Click on to www dot "I"m a wimp"dot com
• Click on to www dot "bite yourself"dot com
• And that"s the bottom line cause 303 says so
• Your misfortune brings us glee
• You are the margerine of evil
• This ain"t the WNBA...put on a dress Shamiqua
• (Whistle) Here ___, ____, ____...it"s time for your taunting (3 times, up an octave each)
• You"re not part of the problem, you ARE the problem
• Do both of your parents have the "Loser"chromosone?
• You aren"t so much a "has been"as a definite "never was"
• Your head is as empty as a eunuch"s underpants
• You stuck up, half-witted, scruffy lookin"nerf herder
• Get a sex change and become a man!
• I feel sorry for your tiny brain...all alone in that big fat head
• Is that your face, or does your butt have teeth?
• When you have an idea, it"s in solitary confinement!
• When everything"s going your way, you"re probably in the wrong lane
• It"s obvious your gene pool had no lifeguard
• You are ugly and built to last
• You must"ve fallen out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down
• I"m betting you"re immune to any serious head injury
• In your optimum environment, you"d be locked in a life and death struggle with mushrooms
• You"re just another flash in the bed pan
• You"ve got one foot in the future, one foot in the past, and you"re pissing on the present
• You"re like a screen saver: you look good, but you"re useless
• You"re as sloppy as a soup sandwich
• You are three bag ugly
• You"re uglier than a hat full of assholes
• You"re as ugly as a warthog and half as smart
• You're uglier than a mud fence, and half as useful
• You used to have a handle on life, but it broke
• I bet you"d give your right arm to be ambidextrous
• Does your husband play, too?
• How'd you get a square head in that round helmet?
• Nice uniforms--where's the Star Trek Convention?
• I just saw your name on the Where Are They Now list
• Hey, __________, how's that bus ride to (minor league affiliate)?
• _________ is to hockey what Urkle is to "Family Matters"
• You thick-tongued, lubricious teuton
• If thinkin' were drinkin', you'd be a six pack
• You are punishingly stupid
• I don't have any questions, I only have a statement: The _______ suck.
• _________: body by Nautilus, brain by Mattel
• We mustn't act with charity towards that sawed-off little lummox
• You always cease to amaze me
• No man is an island...except for ______"s Jupiter-sized head
• You"re as useful as used dental floss, and twice as smelly
• Why don"t you take up crochet and knit yourselves a real uniform?
• You guys lack identity-your colors should be biege and grey
• If there was a new way to lose, you guys would discover it
• Warm up the bus
• Who made your uniforms: Garanimals?
• Does your mommy still dress you?
• Other teams win and make it look easy; you guys lose, and make it look hard
• The (team) diet is better than Jenny Craig...you only eat when they win
• You guys are just 4 players away from being a good team. Those players"names are Gretzky, Orr, Lemieux, and Roy.
• Hey, _____, you suffer from T.M.B. (Too Many Birthdays)
• You are filthy, stinking rich...well, two out of three ain"t bad
• I guess you and (team) are together for better or worse-they couldn"t do better, and you couldn"t do worse
• Your are the weakest link
• You look like some sort of deformed Pez dispenser
• I bet you sit down to pee
• You look as confused as a baby in a topless bar
• I despise you with every fiber of my being
• You moisened bint
• You wat"ry tart
• I looked up "hockey player"in the dictionary, and it said "not you"
• You"re pathetic: P-A-thetic
• You"re choking-I can see the rope burns around your neck
• You"re in deep kimshee now
• I"m trying to imagine you with a personality
• Gimme a "Wuss."Gimme an and "E."What"s that spell? Wuss-ey!
• I bet a box turtle would find you insufferably obtuse
• Just because you have one doesn"t mean you have to BE one
• How many times do we have to flush you before you go down
• On your first day of school, your parents dropped you off at the wrong nursery. There you were, surrounded by trees and bushes
• The closest thing you ever got to a 4.0 in High School was your blood alcohol content
• I see your I.Q. tests were negative
• I think your problem is low self esteem, which is very common among LOSERS
• (coach) doesn"t like hockey jokes...he sees too many of them skating for his team each night
• Listen to me, you wretched little toe rag
• Hey coach (name), Ronco called...your "Hockey For Quitters"video is back ordered
• You knock-kneed scab picker
• Before you criticize, walk a mile in someone else"s shoes. That way, you"ll be a mile away when you rag on them AND you"ll have their shoes!
• If ugly were bricks, you"d be a high rise
• You could scare a hungry wolf off meat truck
• You could look up a camel"s butt and scare its hump off
• You"re so old there are hieroglyphics on your rookie card
• You"re so old your memory must be in back and white
• You"re so old the candles cost more than your birthday cake
• You"re so old you must fart dust
• If it"s true that that you learn from your mistakes, then someday you"ll know EVERYTHING
• (Name) rides the short bus
• I found the website for men with no testicles. The address is www.(name).com
• Hey, (name), wipe that dog slobber off your lips
• Hey, (name), why don"t you get a sitcom on the WB and disappear forever?
• You"re so dumb you think a quarterhorse is what you ride in fron of K-Mar
• (Name) doesn"t know the meaning of the word "quit"...or a lot of other words for that matter
• You guys were eliminated on opening night
• Your father was a turd, your mother was a turd, and you sir, are a turd
• Hey, (name), the (farm team) has a locker with your name on it
• Do you guys actually practice, or do you just show up for games?
• You even stink in the video game
• You couldn"t make ice without a recipe
• You"d be more entertaining if you were on fire
• I can"t believe they wasted 1/3 of a scholarship on you
• You stink like a porta-potty in July
• Hey, (name), your mom just made bail
• Do you think you"ll like this game once you catch on?
• 1972 called, they want their haircut back
• The biggest contribution you could make to the (team name) is to go on the DL
• You look a whole lot better since they dug you up
• I"ve got internet stocks in better shape than you
• Did the alien forget to remove your anal probe?
• Catholic school girls slap harder than you
• You"re so stupid you would"ve bought Anne Frank a drum set
• What a jerkwater dweeb
• I bet you have more back zits than a 14 year old working a deep fat friar
• You"re officially more self-destructive than Anna Nicole Smith left alone with a box of chocolate perkadam
• I"ve got bigger chunks of corn in my crap than you
• You could be the defender of the year if everyone else in the NHL dies
• That was NOT Phi-Beta-Kappa
• You couldn"t beat the Sisters of Mercy
• Looks like your gene pool could use a filter
• When you get lost in thought, it must be unfamiliar territory
• You"re so old, you remember when the Dead Sea was sick
• Is that your face, or did your butt grow a nose?
• You have an IQ of 2...and it takes 3 just to grunt
• I bet you have a ticket stub for the original David and Goliath match
• What do _____ and blank have in common? They"re both empty from the neck up
• Is it true that the toughest 4 years of your life was third grade?
• When God said "Let there be light,"_____ threw the switch
• ______ was the waiter at the Last Supper
• If brains were chocolate, you wouldn"t have enough to fill an M&M
• Did you sign a contract with Ivory Soap? "Cause you look all washed up
• Bring out the elephants, "cause the clowns are already here
• You have all the virtues I dislike, and none of the vices I admire
• Only the mediocre are at their best all the time
• There"s a fine line between genius and stupidity-apparently you erased this line
• You are a modest little person with much to be modest about
• Who are you? Pinnochio? Play like a REAL boy!
• Look at their bench-I haven"t seen that many zeroes in a row since Mr. Spock had a book signing
• The magic number for this team is 911
• Instead of a logo, you should just have a dollar sign on your jersey
• I don"t wanna say you"re soft, but I heard you just got your own make-over show on Bravo
• I mock you with my monkey pants
• Me thinks you smell like Admiral Browning
• You, sir, are a pyro-flatulatory anal announcement
• What a trouser trumpet
• What a back-door conquistador
• What a bahookie pit (a-hole)
• I think you bowl from both ends of the lane, if ya know what I mean
• You"re as bent as a nine-bob note
• I hear you"re an uphill gardener
• I hear you like putting from the rough
• That Rear Admiral is a navigator of the winward pass
• He"s a poo-packer, a marmite driller, a mudvalve mechanic, a chocolate chimney sweep!
• He"s a lunchbox lancer, an exhaust pipe engineer, a kakpipe cosmonaut!
• I hear you like to lick both sides of the stamp
• I hear you like to drop anchor in Bum Bay
• I believe he strolls down Bourneville Blvd. (or Cadbury Alley)
• You"ve got a strain on your face like you"re dropping a blackpool rock
• You just dropped a brewer"s fart-grains and all!
• Enough of your butt sneeze!
• Go chew some dog toffee!
• Your face must be a fist magnet
• You are a marmite motorway
• You make me want to park the custard (vomit)
• What a pocket frog!

• Shut your pie hole, ya whiner
• I see you went to the Brent Sepergia School of Etiquette
• Don"t have a hissy fit
• I see you"ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public
• All reports are in...life is now officially unfair
• Looks like the hogs ate your little brother
• If my aunt had a package she"d be my uncle
• No cryin"uncle in hockey
• I can read his lips, and he"s not praying
• Ex-Zip it-A
• Zip it, Zip it good
• Click on to www.shhh.com
• Wanna wear the daddy pants? Ya gonna squirt some? Ya gonna cry?
• Shhhh...big boys don"t cry
• When you"re in the main chamber use the big boy voice
• Doesn"t play well with others
• Oh whaaaaa
• Cornholio lives
• Why so fussy?
• Put a sock in it, pal
• Shut your flappin"yap
• Get your fanny perpendicular and march over to that sin bin
• It"s the pexiglass prison for you, petunia
• Quit crackin"wise before I rake one "cross yo lip
• What a nob
• What a dimbulb
• The winner of the Golden Disptick tonight: __________
• Enough of your flap doodle and twaddle
• Your story grows tiresome
• Sphincter deluxe
• Quit yer yappin"and sit down, ya panzy
• Mommy, does he need a nap?
• Simmer down, big boy
• Who is that flabber puss?
• Look, your worshipfulness
• Shhhhh...big boys don"t cry
• Mom, he needs a spankin"doesn"t he?
• I"m NOT a brat. I"m not! I"m not! I"m NOT!
• An your cry-baby, whiney-ass opinion would be...?
• You make me sick when you speak, Morris
• George is getting"upset!
• You"re killing independent George!
• Worlds are colliding!
• Hey, ________, it"s official: you SUCK!
• What is your major malfunction, numbnuts?
• Know your role and shut your mouth!
• What does _______ think about this? It DOESN"T MATTER what ______ thinks!
• You're blockin' , babe...tell us what your REALLY think
• Are you the President of the "Piss And Moan About Everything Club?"
• You"re as subtle as a well-thrown brick
• Save your breath, you'll need it when you blow up your date
• ___________: 1 % player, 99 % Jack Ass
• You can blame Canada
• They're so cute at this age
• You can trouble me for a glass of shut the heck up
• Now you will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep
• Let"s stop all our fussin"and a fuedin"
• Give him a pacifier
• Grab some pine, pal
• Oh, cry me a river
• Look, he"s got a big snot bubble he"s cryin"so much
• Save your breath, you"ll need it to blow up your date after the game
• Stop your foul whining, you filthy piece of distended rectum
• Listen to me, you wretched little toe rag
• Stop global whining
• Looks like he"s having a grand mal seizure
• Why don"t you call 1-800-CRY-BABY?
• He"s got more whine than California"s vineyards
• What we have here is a failure to communicate
• You"ll find the back of my hand quite displeasing
• Shut your deformed mouth before I nail it shut
• Looks like he"s lobbying for a do-over
• Uh-oh...someone"s got some daddy issues
• Oh boo-frickety-hooo!
• Is he being wattled by a cwowd of wabble wousers?
• If you"ve got an issue, here"s a tissue
• Reality takes it"s toll...please have exact change
• Somebody call the waaaaaambulance!
• Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience.
• I see you"re pissing off the whole planet one person at a time.

• Ariva dirche
• Auf weider sein
• Au Vua
• Sia nara
• Buenas noches
• Ta ta
• Toodle loo
• Good riddance
• Rest in Peace
• Bye Bye
• So Long! Farewell! We hate to see you go! (from "The Sound of Music")
• Ride off into the sunset, cowboy
• You, off my planet!
• Aloha means goodbye
• Stick a fork in him: he"s done
• T.T.F.N. (Ta Ta For Now)
• Earth is full...go home
• Take a powder
• See ya, wouldn"t want to be ya
• Be gone with you
• There is a certain finality to this resolution
• End of story...finito
• See ya later, tater
• Put a tag on his toe and lock up the drawer
• Take off, ya hoser!
• Hasta la vista, baby

• Pretty skatin", princess
• Nice play, Shakespeare
• Guh!
• Do"h!
• Bonk!
• I hate it when that happens
• Woop woop woop woop woop
• HA-ha
• Oh Whaaaaa
• Do ra me fa so la te DOH!
• Now THAT"S embarassing
• When I say whoa, I MEAN WHOAH
• Nyuk nyuk nyuk
• Waa-waaa-waaaaaa-waaaaaaaaaa (wah-wah trumpet)
• Baa-oooooooooooom (timpani drum being tuned up)
• Michelle Kwan is in no danger
• Dammit Jim, I"m a doctor, not a professional skater
• Gwat!
• One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR!
• Who"s your skating coach, Nancy Kerrigan?
• I"ve fallen and I can"t get up
• Whoopsie Daisy
• Is it in your contract that you have to skate like a girl?
• He pulled a groin...his own, we hope
• 1, 2, 3, 4, he just hit the icy floor 5, 6, 7, 8, where the hell d"you learn to skate?
• If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
• Ohhh...he fall down go boom
• You"ve got a case of The Zactlies: you skate zactly like a woman
• Skate, Forrest, Skate!
• The new (name) action figure-the only thing it hits is the ice
• Give him some viagra, he can"t get up
• Must"ve been a sniper

• Ooooooo, I hates rabbits
• Get that dog off my lawn
• You"re deth-picable
• Hoodwinked again
• You vicious rapscalian
• Earthly vermin, you shall die for this
• Thanks for the sour persimons, buster
• Yoooooou disgust me
• Now you"ve made me very angry
• You know....this means war
• Well, we like ourselves, don"t we?
• Please make the bad man stop
• I say "Hard cheese"to you
• Get that dog off my lawn
• Ya fargin"iceholes
• Ya sons of bastages
• Go pound salt
• Where"s the saran wrap, we"ve been foiled again
• You"re a dirty bird, mister man
• He is evil and must be stopped
• Sufferin"succotash
• What a sack o"dump
• A googalplex of curses on you, sir
• You, my friend, are inconsiderate
• This is troublesome to us
• What lolligaggers and ne"er-do-wells
• Where I come from, that just ain"t right
• Now he mocks us
• Celebrate your little cowpie promenade
• That"s the wast stwaw
• You"ll smoke a turd in Hell for that
• It"s all a bunch of tree huggin"hippie crap
• You realize this is NOT going to go unchallenged?
• Tickle us, do we not laugh? Prick us, do we not bleed? Wrong us, do we not revenge?
• If that don't beat all
• You are a mephetic harlequin cast down by God to torment a weary world
• There is no hell foul enough to contain your fetid soul
• And the players are gay...and joyful
• You will pay for your foolishness
• See the repression inherent in the system?
• Help! Help! I"m being repressed!
• Good for you, studly
• If at first you DO succeed, try not to look too astonished
• You started out with nothing, and you still have most of it
• That"s it, give Turd Ferguson a high five
• Bully for you
• That really chaps my caboose
• I just want revenge...is that so wrong?

• He"s as slow as steam off of pookey
• Any slower and you"d be in reverse
• It"s hard to believe that you beat 100,000 other sperm
• You"re pedaling real fast, but not getting anywhere
• It looks like you prefer three left turns to one right
• If you were in a two-man fifty yard dash with a pregnant woman, you"d come in third
• You"re so slow, you have to speed up to stop
• You"re so slow, they have to drive stakes in the ice to measure your progress
• You"re so slow it takes you an hour to cook minute rice
• Unhitch the trailer
• Someone call U-Haul-one of their long-bed, wide-body vans is on the loose
• You"ve got a lot of up and down, but not much forward
• I could time you with a sun dial
• You skate slower than a fat girl chasing a chihuahua up a staircase
• You"re pulling a trailer with a piano in it
• Tumbleweeds roll uphill faster than you skate
• You should have a disclaimer on your jersey that says "Allow 4 to 6 weeks for delivery."
• I"ve seen better legs on a chair
• He"s not slow...he"s just big-boned
• Move around ya lummox, you"re tilting the ice
• I"ve seen better moves at a paraplegic midget dance
• He skates like Pac Man: waka-waka-waka-waka
• What"s the matter, you need a running start?
• Are you wearing your sister"s skates?
• I"ve seen more movement in a statue
• Hey, Jabba, did Hans Solo ever pay up?
• You skate like you"re moving furniture
• Your average speed is slower than a hippo on stilts
• Put some wheels on that wagon you"re pulling
• You"re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter
• Are your skates nailed to the ice?
• He"s so slow, I saw him on an escalator yesterday and a step passed him
• I"ve seen better legs in a bucket of chicken
• The team bus could navigate the ice better than you
• You move like a potted plant
• Maybe someday you"ll learn to play that piano you"re dragging around