Ref Taunts

• Thank you, we are all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view
• I don"t know what your problem is, but I bet it"s hard to pronounce
• We"ll try being nicer if you"ll try being smarter
• I know nutzzzzing
• Thou lieth malignant thing
• Thou art thrice a double ass
• What a crock of nasal pastry
• Thank you, Johnny Shafto
• That communist Mory Amsterdam
• We"ve been soaked by a Hosey Cow
• We are dubious of your assessment
• Even a broken clock is right twice a day
• Today, while we"re young
• I say, I say, PAY attention boy (Foghorn Leghorn)
• That"s nasal pastry on a nilla wafer
• Hey, Ref, your proctologist called...they just found your head
• Hey, Ref, your village called, they"re missing their idiot
• Hey ,Ref, Satan called; he said "Wow! Even I"m impressed!"
• Hey, Ref, your Career Counselor called... he still has no clue
• Hey, Ref, your mother called...she wishes you were never born
• He, Ref, Leader Dogs For the Blind called...do you want a schnouzer or a collie?
• Hey, Ref, the ACLU called...they can"t even defend you
• Hey, Ref, the Acceptance of Diversity Society called...they said YOU SUCK
• Hey, Ref, mae West called..she said "do you know how to whistle? Yous just pucker your lips and blow."
• Hey, Ref, Johnny Cochrane called...he said he wouldn"t touch you with a ten foot pole
• Hey, Ref, Hitler called...he said you"re doing a great job
• Hey, Ref, your doctor called...what"s an Anal Hematoma?
• Hey, Ref, Shirley Temple called...she said "Bite me Zebra Boy"
• Referee Cartman says "Respect my authori-TIE"
• What"s it feel like to be livin"in a van down by the river?
• Where did you learn how to ref, at the University of Suckatonia?
• Did you take officiating classes at Butt Munch Community College?
• You stuuuupid eeediot
• You don"t know JACK SQUAT
• Still waiting for that spine donar
• He"s so ignorant he couldn"t pour piss from a boot if the instructions were written on the heel
• That"s beyond B.O.
• Three Blind Mice...and occasionally a fourth
• If brains were bird droppings, your cage would be clean
• Oh, split hairs why don"t ya?
• Whats-a-matta-you?
• Dammit, Jim, I"m a doctor, not a professional referee
• Dammit, Jim, I"m a doctor, not a professional linesman
• I"m just an unfrozen caveman referee; you"re complex rules frighten and confuse me
• I"m sure you"re asked this all the time, but what IS your problem?
• Someone must"ve tinkled in your gene pool
• Hey Ref, 9 out of 10 voices in my head say "don"t shoot."
• When I snap, you"ll be the first to go
• You bear an uncanny resemblance to Jar Jar Binks
• So when"s the Wizard getting back to you about that brain?
• Hey ref, thanks for the steaming pile of JACK
• I"ve been watching your work closely, and couldn"t help notice that IT SUCKS
• Your wheel is turning, but your hamster is dead
• Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; apparently you only gargled
• The cheese has done slid off your cracker
• The gates are down, and the lights are flashing, but the train ain"t comin"
• When your IQ reaches 50, you should sell
• You would be out of your depth in a parking lot puddle
• You"re a gross ignoramus, which is 144 times the normal ignoramus
• You blind, bi-sexual communist
• You couldn"t find your own butt cheeks with both hands
• What part of "heeee-hawww"(mule sound) didn"t you understand?
• Criticism is just one service we offer
• You"re crazy enough for a postal service job
• I"m blind, I"m deaf, I should"ve been a ref!
• We got a rope, we got a tree, all we need now is a referee
• Nuts and bolts! We just got screwed!
• Elevator, elevator, we got the shaft!
• Hey, Ref, get off your knees. You"re blowin"the game!
• Zebra, zebra, short and stout, find your head and pull it out!
• You"ve got a brain like a BB in a boxcar
• You"re a butter knife in a prime rib world
• You would be a pacifist out of necessity in a battle of wits
• You"ve got a photographic memory, but the lense cap is glued on
• You"ve got a photographic memory, but he forgot to load the film
• You"re a titanic intellect in a world full of icebergs
• You"re all booster, and no payload
• You"re all crown, and no filling
• You"re all foam, and no beer
• You"re all hammer, and no nail
• You"re all hat, and no cattle
• You"re all wax, and no wick
• You"re full throttle, with a dry tank
• You"re a fur coat, with no knickers
• You"re a gasoline engine, with diesel fuel
• You"re all bricks, and no cement
• You"re sitting in the right pew, but the wrong church
• You"re always sharpening his sleeping skills
• You have an intellect rivaled only by gardening tools
• He"s as sharp as a bag of wet mice
• You"re as thick as a whale omelette
• You"re as thick as pig dung and twice as smelly
• You"re as smart as Christie Brinkley is ugly
• You"re nearly on a higher plane, but you lost your boarding pass
• Your baler done ran out of twine
• There are too many birds on your antenna
• You are too pointless to be called a pinhead
• You were born during low tide in the gene pool
• Both of your oars are in the water, but on the same side of the boat
• You don"t have both oars in the water
• You couldn"t find your own butt with two hands and a flashlight
• You couldn"t count to 21 if you were barefoot and without pants
• You couldn"t get a clue during clue mating season in a field full of horny clues if you smeared
• your body with clue musk and did the clue mating dance!
• You are so clueless, you could BE God and still be an atheist
• You must suffer from Clue Deficit Disorder
• You"re so dumb that blondes tell jokes about you
• You"re so dumb, you went to the dentist to have your cranial cavity filled
• You are so stupid, mind readers charge you half price
• You are solid concrete from the eyebrows backward
• Your dock doesn"t quite reach the water
• You don"t have all your corn flakes in one box
• You don"t have all your groceries in the same bag
• Your belt doesn"t go thru all the loops
• Your driveway doesn"t quite reach the garage
• You"re as dumb as a sack of hammers
• You"re dumber than a box of rocks
• You"re one bean short of chili
• You"re one beer short of a six pack
• You"re one bird short of a flock
• You"re one board short of a porch
• You"re one melon short of a full load
• You"re one brick short of a pile
• You"re one donut short of a dozen
• You"re one car short of a chase scene
• You"re one chapter short of a novel
• You"re one chicken short of a hen house
• You"re one feather short of a whole duck
• You"re one french fry short of a Happy Meal
• You"re one froot loop short of a full bowl
• You"re one goose short of a gaggle
• You"re one handle short of a suit case
• You"re once inch short of a yard
• You"re one link short of a chain
• You"re one brain cell away from being a talking monkey
• You"re one nut short of a full pouch
• You"re one pancake short of a stack
• You"re one pea short of a pod
• You"re one pearl short of a necklace
• You"re one pickle short of a jar
• You"re one sandwich short of a picnic
• You"re one sentence short of a paragraph
• You"re one single short of a roof
• You"re one shrimp short of a barbie
• You"re one sock short of a pair
• You"re one enchilada short of a combo plate
• You"re one tower short of a castle
• You"re one tree short of a hammock
• You"re two bits short of a dollar
• You"re a few skivvies short of a sea bag
• Your elevator doesn"t go all the way to the top floor
• Your elevator is on the ground floor and you"re pushing the "down"button
• Your elevator is stuck between floors
• Your oil doesn"t reach your dipstick
• You have enough sawdust between your ears to bed an elephant
• You"re 51 cards short of a full deck
• You"re half a bubble off plumb
• You"re long on dry wall, short on studs
• Happiness would be seeing your picture on a milk carton
• You have only one chopstick in your chowmein
• You have the mental agility of a soap dish
• You haven"t got all your china in your cupboard
• You"re writing bad checks on a closed account
• You"re not a complete idiot...some parts are missing
• You"re really into yourself...your head is up your ass
• You"re not the brightest bulb light in the harbor
• You"re not the sharpest knife in the drawer
• You"re not the sharpest tool in the shed
• You"re not the sharpest nail in the box
• You"re so dense, light bends around you
• You"re knitting with only one needle
• You"re landing with your gear up and locked
• You're not the sharpest tack in the box
• You left your booster on the launch pad
• You only packed half a sandwich
• You"re missing a layer of insulation in your attic
• Your monorail doesn"t go all the way to Tomorrow Land
• Your mooring lines don"t reach the dock
• You must"ve ignored a knock down pitch while playing baseball
• You"re living proof that nature does not abhor a vacuum
• Your ears serve the same function as holes in a dribble glass
• Your lint trap is full
• Your pool balls don"t fit in the rack
• Your ski lift doesn"t go all the way to the top of the hill
• Your wipers don"t touch the glass
• Your brain would rattle around in a gnat"s navel
• Your gene line isn"t just dead, it"s extinct
• Your golf bag does not include a full set of irons
• Your head whistles in a cross wind
• Your jack can"t get a car off the ground
• Your mind has reached escape velocity and achieved orbit
• Your seat back is not in the full upright, and locked position
• Your spirit guide is a three-toed sloth
• Your train tracks aren"t quite parallel
• Your fan is working, but the freon has leaked out
• Your heater is plugged in, but your rheostat is shot
• The space between your ears powers vacuum pumps
• The spit valve has fallen off your trumpet again
• You have an IQ of over 150, if you combine all three of you.
• If brains were dynamite, you wouldn"t have enough to blow your nose
• If brains were farts, you woudn"t have enough to stink up a match box
• If brains were gasoline, you wouldn"t have enough to drive a dinky car around the inside of a cheerio
• If brains were grains of sand, you wouldn"t have enough to fill a thimble
• If brains were water, you wouldn"t have enough to baptize a flea
• If you had half a brain, your butt would be lopsided
• Your brain could be a renewable energy source for hot air balloons
• If you were any dumber, you"d have to be watered twice a week
• If ignorance were bliss, you"d be orgasmic
• If there were a merciful God, you would be dead by now
• If those two refs were to knock heads, the implosion will suck all of the air out of the arena
• If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you"ll get change back
• In a tub of preparation H, you would shrink down to thumb size
• You make a black hole look bright
• You might still be a virgin, except for what nature did to your mind
• You"ve got a mind like a steel sieve
• You"ve got a mind like a steel trap...rusted shut
• It"s obvious you"ve never had a head cold, since diseases can"t exist in a vacuum
• You"ve got no filter in your coffee maker
• There"s plenty of salt in your shaker, but no holes in the cap
• You are out there where the buses don"t run
• People around you are at risk of second hand idiocy
• You play solitaire...for cash
• You"ve got no grain in your silo
• You"ve got no hay in your loft
• Not all of your dogs are barkin"
• You"re not as dumb as you look, "cause that would be impossible
• Putting your brain on the edge of a razor blade would be like putting a pea on a six lane highway
• You"d be a perfect percussionist for an acapella group (dum, dum, dum, dum...)
• Your slinky has a kink in it
• Smoke doesn"t make it to the top of your chimney
• The butter has slipped off your noodle
• There"s nothing wrong with you that couldn"t be cured with a little Prozac and a polo mallet.
• I bet you talk to plants on their own level
• You"re as useful as a kick stand on a horse
• You"re as useful as a mint flavored suppository
• You"re as useful as dinosaur repellent
• You use your head to keep the rain out of your neck
• You have a vertically-fornicated mind
• You must"ve been left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby
• When a thought crosses your mind, it must be a long and lonely journey
• When God said "Come forth for brains,"you came fifth
• You would make an excellent illustration in a proctology text book
• You have a room temperature IQ
• You"ve got the attention span of an over ripe grapefruit
• Your little red choo choo has gone chuggin""round the bend
• Your little red choo choo done jumped off the track
• Judging by the old saying "What you don"t know can"t hurt you,"you"re practically indestructible
• Your coboose seems to be pulling your engine
• When's the Wizard getting back to you about that brain?
• How many times have you done this? None...but I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night
• I forgot the milkbone for your seeing-eye dog
• How'd you become a Ref, flunk out of Toll Booth School?
• Hey Ref, do you take Visa or American Express?
• Can I pet your seeing-eye dog after the game?
• Have they stopped printing the rule book in braile?
• The camera's on you, look busy!
• I thought only horses slept standing up
• You are a lackluster doughnut vacuum
• I"m gonna break your cane and kick your dog
• Hey Ref, your sphincter called, it wants your head out by Monday
• Next time you go to the eye doctor, I bet your prescription will be a dog
• Drip the chalupa!
• Did you find your whistle? Did it taste a little "muddy?"
• Take your shirt back to Foot Locker
• Pick a letter, buy a vowel, or spin!
• If idiots were airplanes, the officials dressing room would be an airport
• Why don"t you poke a hole in that whistle?
• How can you sleep with all these lights on?
• If you"re gonna just watch the game, why don"t you buy a ticket like the rest of us?
• Stevie Wonder could"ve seen that one, Ref
• You must be staying at the Holiday Inn, "cause they"re the only hotel in town with braile numbers on the elevators
• There"s a town in Massachusetts named after you-it"s called Marble Head
• how could you miss that "Galooley"(slash to the legs)
• Drop your pants, bend over, and use your good eye
• Are you working here until a good job at Hardees opens up?
• Chaos, panic, and disorder...your work here is done
• Is it time for your medication or mine?
• If your parents divorced, would they still be brother and sister?
• Hey, Preds, don"t question authority, "cause they don"t know either!
• (Linesman), relax your fingers and let gravity do the rest
• (Linesman) Face off! Face off! Tear their face off!
• You couldn"t guess which way an elevator was going if I gave you two guesses
• Your brain cells are on the endangered species list
• If your IQ was any shorter, you"d trip over it
• People like YOU are the reason that people like ME need medication
• I hear when you take viagra you just get taller
• It"s not the heat, it"s the stupidity
• He had a photographic memory that was never developed
• Hey Ref, shake your head...your eyeballs are stuck
• Put that one in your scrapbook Ref...show it to your grand kids
• Telemarketer, telemarketer...that was a BAD call
• Thou has eyes to see, and thou see not
• How about some windex for that one glass eye?
• You need to go to confession after that call
• We know you"re blind, we"ve seen your wife
• Mix in some consistency once in a while
• Hey, Ref, I"ll take three pencils
• I was confused the first time I saw a game, too
• I"ve gotten better calls from my ex-wife
• When your dog barks twice, it"s a holding penalty
• Kick your dog, he"s lying to you
• We"re not picking on you...it"s our job!
• Be careful when you skate backwards that you don"t fall over your dog
• If you had another eye it would be lonely
• I"ve heard better calls at a square dance
• Which one of you Refs is the designated driver?
• Move a little, Ref, you"re growing roots
• What"s the matter, you got a broken arm?
• Is Mr. Magoo your father and Helen Keller your mother?
• You couldn"t call a cab!
• The circus is in town, and the clowns are wearing stripes
• What were you, a look-out at Pearl Harbor?
• What were you, a look-out on the Titanic?
• Does your wife let you make any decisions at home?
• Pull the good eye out of your pocket
• If you need the money this badly, get a paper route
• What are you doing, flipping coins?
• Take off that welding mask
• Lenscrafters called, they"ll be ready in 30 minutes
• You"re blinking too long
• Leave the gift-giving to Santa
• I"ve seen potatoes with better eyes
• For a guy that only works an hour a day, you"re doing a pretty bad job
• If you had one more eye, you"d be a cyclops
• Just "cause it"s a night game doesn"t mean you should be asleep
• Get him a snorkel "cause he just made a dive
• Hey, Ref, can I help you? "No thanks, just looking"
• What are you doing, window shopping? Call something!
• How"s your thumb smell?
• Give me an "I."Give me another "I."Now, give them to the Ref
• I"ve upped my standards...now UP YOURS!
• That call blows like the solar wind
• Don"t tinkle on my leg and tell me it"s rainin"
• What"s your slogan? We waste time so you won"t have to?
• We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those "Police Academy"movies?
• For fun? Well I didn"t hear anybody laughin", did you?
• Try not to let your mind wander. It"s much too small to be outside by itself
• I have never killed a man, but have read many obituaries with great pleasure. I can"t WAIT to read yours!
• Keep calling "em like that and you"ll be baggin"groceries by April
• How can you eat with those hands?
• Hey, referees, which one of you is the designated driver?
• C"mon, ref, MCI doesn"t make that many bad calls
• Hey, Sleeping Beauty, wake up!