Goalie Taunts

• He"s got pudding in his pants now
• He"s flopping worse than that Chris Gaines album
• Hey, ______, do you need a booster seat for the high ones?
• Welcome to Loserville, population: YOU
• Hey, ______, coma te llama? Esta "Senor Poopy Pants?"
• Shovel Puck Patte down his gullet
• You"re as busy as a one-legged man in a butt kicking contest
• You couldn't save anything at a K-Mart Blue Light Special
• Did your mother feed you with a slingshot?
• Putt Putt wants to hire you for the 9th Hole
• Ole! Ole! Ole!
• Hey, _____, stand up! Oh...you ARE standing
• You"ve got the defensive skills of the Lincoln Tunnel
• Your technique has more holes in it than a porcupine"s underwear
• Call Dr. Kevorkian, it looks like he"s trying to commit suicide out there
• You should sign on with Merrill Lynch in honor of your G.A.A.: It"s so high, when
• stockbrokers hear it they yell "Sell! Sell!"
• Stick a fork in him...he"s done
• A.R.B.Y. (Al-Ready By You)
• You couldn"t catch a cold standing naked in a snowstorm
• Click on to www.buried.com
• Button your diaper
• C.T.D. (Circlin"The Drain)
• You have one life line left
• _______: the human vortex
• Hey, ________, you do the math
• Shoot that puck up his pooper...sweet sassy malassy
• Give him an incessant puck pelting
• We wish to taunt you before your annihilation
• You have proven to be a formidable foe, but not even your friends can save you now
• See how he writhes in pain at our command
• Hey, _______, welcome to hell
• Come back and we shall taunt you a second time
• Swiss, swiss, swiss, swiss, swiss cheeeeese: A goal! Ha...Ha...Ha
• Shovel puck patte down his gullet!
• Five Hole! Five Hole! Five Hole!
• Too bad for the (team name) that they can"t pull a skater and add a second goalie
• If it"s true that you learn from your mistakes, someday you"ll know EVERYTHING
• Hey coach (name), it"s like having Venus De Milo in goal, isn"t it?
• You really shouldn"t be in the game until you"re warmed up
• This guy"s getting lit up more than a joint at a Phish concert
• He"s falling apart like a Wal-Mart sweater
• Are you actually watching the puck or are you letting The Force guide you?
• Try breathing through your eyelids, meat!
• Bring out the textbooks, "cause you just got schooled
• Is it hard to hold your stick with both hands around your throat?
• Some-body"s sca-aaared!
• Draw a chalk outline around (goalie name) and call the coroner
• I"ve seen better hands on a snake
• If you"d tied your skate laces together you would"ve gotten that one
• This guys couldn"t catch herpes
• That was a Louisiana Shot...it was Bayou
• You play like Edward Scissorhands
• You couldn"t save a Word File
• Flip him over coach, he ain"t done yet
• You"re supposed to drop and roll when you get burned
• I hope you got your degree
• When"s the rest of the team getting in? Did the bus break down?
• Hope you"re wearing a neck brace
• He must be the Pillsbury Dough Boy, "cause he just got poked
• Your goals against average looks like the National Debt
• What id you do, get your glove caught in your skirt?
• There are more holes in your technique than a Florida Presidential ballot
• I"ve seen better scoops in an ice cream parlor
• The cow that was used to make your glove must"ve just turned over in her grave
• Did you forget to read the directions on your new glove?
• Your technique has more holes in it than O.J."s alibi
• You"ve got hands like a digital clock
• Did you make your glove in wood shop?
• You"ll have to sew webbing between your legs to stop a shot
• You couldn"t catch a steel ball with a magnet
• Watch out for those air pockets
• When are you gonna take off those handcuffs?
• There"s no need to valet...we"re gonna keep parking in front of your net
• Say your prayers and take your vitamins, my little Hulkamaniac
• Mimi-Me...move down the bench
• You are lucky, wee man
• You"ve got more holes in your technique than an Afghan mine field
• Aww...did we step on your poor little iddy biddy ego?
• Get a hammer and some nails-the goal must be movin"around
• I only have to sit here for 3 periods...you gotta play for the (team name) ALL year!
• We"re lightin"you up like a Christmas tree
• We"re lightin"you up like an Opryland Christmas!
• Beethoven had better movements
• I"ve seen better moves on a first date
• I"ve seen better moves at a nursing home dance...on 70"s night...in Tijajuana...on New Years...
• ...during a soccer riot!
• They"re opening up another can of goalies
• Nice hands, Allstate!
• Get that guy OnStar, "cause he looks lost
• Bozo called. He wants his glove back!
• How about another round for ______?
• Use your stick...it"s paid for
• Did you get your glove from US Steel?
• You couldn"t catch a beach ball with a pitchfork
• If at first you don"t succeed, then failure may be your style
• Not ALL pain is gain, right, _____?
• For every winner, there are dozens of losers. You"re obviously one of them.
• Failure: when your best just isn"t good enough
• When you can"t do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly
• Mediocrity: it takes less time, and most people won"t notice the difference until its too late
• Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win and never quit are IDIOTS!
• The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly
• Dreams are like rainbows-only idiots chase them
• It"s always darkest just before it goes pitch black
• The harder you try, the dumber you look
• Luck can"t last a lifetime-unless you die young