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- He"s got pudding in his pants now
- He"s flopping worse than that Chris Gaines album
- Hey, ______, do you need a booster seat for the high ones?
- Welcome to Loserville, population: YOU
- Hey, ______, coma te llama? Esta "Senor Poopy Pants?"
- Shovel Puck Patte down his gullet
- You"re as busy as a one-legged man in a butt kicking contest
- You couldn't save anything at a K-Mart Blue Light Special
- Did your mother feed you with a slingshot?
- Putt Putt wants to hire you for the 9th Hole
- Ole! Ole! Ole!
- Hey, _____, stand up! Oh...you ARE standing
- You"ve got the defensive skills of the Lincoln Tunnel
- Your technique has more holes in it than a porcupine"s underwear
- Call Dr. Kevorkian, it looks like he"s trying to commit suicide out there
- You should sign on with Merrill Lynch in honor of your G.A.A.: It"s so high, when
- stockbrokers hear it they yell "Sell! Sell!"
- Stick a fork in him...he"s done
- A.R.B.Y. (Al-Ready By You)
- You couldn"t catch a cold standing naked in a snowstorm
- Click on to www.buried.com
- Button your diaper
- C.T.D. (Circlin"The Drain)
- You have one life line left
- _______: the human vortex
- Hey, ________, you do the math
- Shoot that puck up his pooper...sweet sassy malassy
- Give him an incessant puck pelting
- We wish to taunt you before your annihilation
- You have proven to be a formidable foe, but not even your friends can save you now
- See how he writhes in pain at our command
- Hey, _______, welcome to hell
- Come back and we shall taunt you a second time
- Swiss, swiss, swiss, swiss, swiss cheeeeese: A goal! Ha...Ha...Ha
- Shovel puck patte down his gullet!
- Five Hole! Five Hole! Five Hole!
- Too bad for the (team name) that they can"t pull a skater and add a second goalie
- If it"s true that you learn from your mistakes, someday you"ll know EVERYTHING
- Hey coach (name), it"s like having Venus De Milo in goal, isn"t it?
- You really shouldn"t be in the game until you"re warmed up
- This guy"s getting lit up more than a joint at a Phish concert
- He"s falling apart like a Wal-Mart sweater
- Are you actually watching the puck or are you letting The Force guide you?
- Try breathing through your eyelids, meat!
- Bring out the textbooks, "cause you just got schooled
- Is it hard to hold your stick with both hands around your throat?
- Some-body"s sca-aaared!
- Draw a chalk outline around (goalie name) and call the coroner
- I"ve seen better hands on a snake
- If you"d tied your skate laces together you would"ve gotten that one
- This guys couldn"t catch herpes
- That was a Louisiana Shot...it was Bayou
- You play like Edward Scissorhands
- You couldn"t save a Word File
- Flip him over coach, he ain"t done yet
- You"re supposed to drop and roll when you get burned
- I hope you got your degree
- When"s the rest of the team getting in? Did the bus break down?
- Hope you"re wearing a neck brace
- He must be the Pillsbury Dough Boy, "cause he just got poked
- Your goals against average looks like the National Debt
- What id you do, get your glove caught in your skirt?
- There are more holes in your technique than a Florida Presidential ballot
- I"ve seen better scoops in an ice cream parlor
- The cow that was used to make your glove must"ve just turned over in her grave
- Did you forget to read the directions on your new glove?
- Your technique has more holes in it than O.J."s alibi
- You"ve got hands like a digital clock
- Did you make your glove in wood shop?
- You"ll have to sew webbing between your legs to stop a shot
- You couldn"t catch a steel ball with a magnet
- Watch out for those air pockets
- When are you gonna take off those handcuffs?
- There"s no need to valet...we"re gonna keep parking in front of your net
- Say your prayers and take your vitamins, my little Hulkamaniac
- Mimi-Me...move down the bench
- You are lucky, wee man
- You"ve got more holes in your technique than an Afghan mine field
- Aww...did we step on your poor little iddy biddy ego?
- Get a hammer and some nails-the goal must be movin"around
- I only have to sit here for 3 periods...you gotta play for the (team name) ALL year!
- We"re lightin"you up like a Christmas tree
- We"re lightin"you up like an Opryland Christmas!
- Beethoven had better movements
- I"ve seen better moves on a first date
- I"ve seen better moves at a nursing home dance...on 70"s night...in Tijajuana...on New Years...
- ...during a soccer riot!
- They"re opening up another can of goalies
- Nice hands, Allstate!
- Get that guy OnStar, "cause he looks lost
- Bozo called. He wants his glove back!
- How about another round for ______?
- Use your stick...it"s paid for
- Did you get your glove from US Steel?
- You couldn"t catch a beach ball with a pitchfork
- If at first you don"t succeed, then failure may be your style
- Not ALL pain is gain, right, _____?
- For every winner, there are dozens of losers. You"re obviously one of them.
- Failure: when your best just isn"t good enough
- When you can"t do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly
- Mediocrity: it takes less time, and most people won"t notice the difference until its too late
- Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win and never quit are IDIOTS!
- The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly
- Dreams are like rainbows-only idiots chase them
- It"s always darkest just before it goes pitch black
- The harder you try, the dumber you look
- Luck can"t last a lifetime-unless you die young
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