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Goalie Taunts

  • He"s got pudding in his pants now
  • He"s flopping worse than that Chris Gaines album
  • Hey, ______, do you need a booster seat for the high ones?
  • Welcome to Loserville, population: YOU
  • Hey, ______, coma te llama? Esta "Senor Poopy Pants?"
  • Shovel Puck Patte down his gullet
  • You"re as busy as a one-legged man in a butt kicking contest
  • You couldn't save anything at a K-Mart Blue Light Special
  • Did your mother feed you with a slingshot?
  • Putt Putt wants to hire you for the 9th Hole
  • Ole! Ole! Ole!
  • Hey, _____, stand up! Oh...you ARE standing
  • You"ve got the defensive skills of the Lincoln Tunnel
  • Your technique has more holes in it than a porcupine"s underwear
  • Call Dr. Kevorkian, it looks like he"s trying to commit suicide out there
  • You should sign on with Merrill Lynch in honor of your G.A.A.: It"s so high, when
  • stockbrokers hear it they yell "Sell! Sell!"
  • Stick a fork in him...he"s done
  • A.R.B.Y. (Al-Ready By You)
  • You couldn"t catch a cold standing naked in a snowstorm
  • Click on to www.buried.com
  • Button your diaper
  • C.T.D. (Circlin"The Drain)
  • You have one life line left
  • _______: the human vortex
  • Hey, ________, you do the math
  • Shoot that puck up his pooper...sweet sassy malassy
  • Give him an incessant puck pelting
  • We wish to taunt you before your annihilation
  • You have proven to be a formidable foe, but not even your friends can save you now
  • See how he writhes in pain at our command
  • Hey, _______, welcome to hell
  • Come back and we shall taunt you a second time
  • Swiss, swiss, swiss, swiss, swiss cheeeeese: A goal! Ha...Ha...Ha
  • Shovel puck patte down his gullet!
  • Five Hole! Five Hole! Five Hole!
  • Too bad for the (team name) that they can"t pull a skater and add a second goalie
  • If it"s true that you learn from your mistakes, someday you"ll know EVERYTHING
  • Hey coach (name), it"s like having Venus De Milo in goal, isn"t it?
  • You really shouldn"t be in the game until you"re warmed up
  • This guy"s getting lit up more than a joint at a Phish concert
  • He"s falling apart like a Wal-Mart sweater
  • Are you actually watching the puck or are you letting The Force guide you?
  • Try breathing through your eyelids, meat!
  • Bring out the textbooks, "cause you just got schooled
  • Is it hard to hold your stick with both hands around your throat?
  • Some-body"s sca-aaared!
  • Draw a chalk outline around (goalie name) and call the coroner
  • I"ve seen better hands on a snake
  • If you"d tied your skate laces together you would"ve gotten that one
  • This guys couldn"t catch herpes
  • That was a Louisiana Shot...it was Bayou
  • You play like Edward Scissorhands
  • You couldn"t save a Word File
  • Flip him over coach, he ain"t done yet
  • You"re supposed to drop and roll when you get burned
  • I hope you got your degree
  • When"s the rest of the team getting in? Did the bus break down?
  • Hope you"re wearing a neck brace
  • He must be the Pillsbury Dough Boy, "cause he just got poked
  • Your goals against average looks like the National Debt
  • What id you do, get your glove caught in your skirt?
  • There are more holes in your technique than a Florida Presidential ballot
  • I"ve seen better scoops in an ice cream parlor
  • The cow that was used to make your glove must"ve just turned over in her grave
  • Did you forget to read the directions on your new glove?
  • Your technique has more holes in it than O.J."s alibi
  • You"ve got hands like a digital clock
  • Did you make your glove in wood shop?
  • You"ll have to sew webbing between your legs to stop a shot
  • You couldn"t catch a steel ball with a magnet
  • Watch out for those air pockets
  • When are you gonna take off those handcuffs?
  • There"s no need to valet...we"re gonna keep parking in front of your net
  • Say your prayers and take your vitamins, my little Hulkamaniac
  • Mimi-Me...move down the bench
  • You are lucky, wee man
  • You"ve got more holes in your technique than an Afghan mine field
  • Aww...did we step on your poor little iddy biddy ego?
  • Get a hammer and some nails-the goal must be movin"around
  • I only have to sit here for 3 periods...you gotta play for the (team name) ALL year!
  • We"re lightin"you up like a Christmas tree
  • We"re lightin"you up like an Opryland Christmas!
  • Beethoven had better movements
  • I"ve seen better moves on a first date
  • I"ve seen better moves at a nursing home dance...on 70"s night...in Tijajuana...on New Years...
  • ...during a soccer riot!
  • They"re opening up another can of goalies
  • Nice hands, Allstate!
  • Get that guy OnStar, "cause he looks lost
  • Bozo called. He wants his glove back!
  • How about another round for ______?
  • Use your stick...it"s paid for
  • Did you get your glove from US Steel?
  • You couldn"t catch a beach ball with a pitchfork
  • If at first you don"t succeed, then failure may be your style
  • Not ALL pain is gain, right, _____?
  • For every winner, there are dozens of losers. You"re obviously one of them.
  • Failure: when your best just isn"t good enough
  • When you can"t do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly
  • Mediocrity: it takes less time, and most people won"t notice the difference until its too late
  • Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win and never quit are IDIOTS!
  • The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly
  • Dreams are like rainbows-only idiots chase them
  • It"s always darkest just before it goes pitch black
  • The harder you try, the dumber you look
  • Luck can"t last a lifetime-unless you die young
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