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General Nonsense

  • Somebody make me a sweet tomata sammich
  • That"s better than Aunt Emma"s rhubarb pie
  • A Goo Goo Cluster for General Custer, he"s gettin"slaughtered
  • What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
  • Revenge is best served cold
  • Sweet merciful Magilicutty
  • Boiled muskrat gravy
  • Aye me bucko
  • A truly crass yet magnificent affair
  • Let"s take a ride on Dante the Wonder Mule
  • It"s a push, pull, or drag sale at the big house tonight
  • Sweet sassy malassy
  • I"ll be a coal miner"s two ton daughter
  • Doogie Howser"s flaming trousers
  • Heavens to mergatroid
  • He"s got what the French call a certain kind of ...I don"t know what
  • It"s Jeff the King of Biscuits
  • That"s nasal pastry on a Nilla Wafer
  • We"re going side car express
  • This ain"t barnyard golf...it"s a Tennessee tail whippin"
  • Bend the throttle, Barbarella
  • Hand me that piano, Dagwood
  • Bodacious hootenanny, si?
  • Turn up the hog caller and let the bidding begin
  • Send lawyers, guns, and money
  • It"s like moose huntin"on a Harley
  • Barney Rubble, what an actor
  • He slices, he dices, he makes Julianne Fries...but wait, there"s more: Heee shoots + scores
  • Mon amie, it"s time to toga
  • Sweet Agnes Sixbutts
  • Eat your beets, buddy
  • Buy Sam a drink and his dog one too
  • She wants to sell my monkey
  • Pour me another frosty Blatz
  • Oh mama, put me to bed
  • I have seen enough to know that I have seen too much
  • Deviled eggs for everyone
  • I"ll be Roger Mudd"s mother
  • Shine up your shoes, it"s time to start dancin"on ______"s flat head
  • What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it"s all about?
  • Lions and Tigers and Bears...Oh My!
  • Tastes Great...Less Filling!
  • I"m Gumbie, dammit!
  • Thank you, Mr. Obvious...you"re some kind of perceptive
  • The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!
  • Be prepared to reap the whirlwind, gentlemen
  • There"s a carnival like atmosphere here tonight!
  • The unfortunate Denny Pratt tragedy
  • Mother Mary and Joseph!
  • Sweet Fancy Moses!
  • Sweet Mystery of Life, I"ve finally found you.
  • I"m a visionary with glaucoma
  • Get right outta town!
  • You see, we"re on a mission from God.
  • If you only knew the power of the Dark Side.
  • Hi Schmoopie! Hi, Schmoopie! No, YOU"RE Schmoopie!
  • Spoon!
  • Surely, you can"t be serious! I am serious, and don"t call me Shirley.
  • If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
  • Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp"to have an "s"in it?
  • If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
  • Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
  • It"s all fun and games until someone loses a reproductive organ.
  • I"d rather have a free bottle in front of me, than a prefrontal lobotomy.
  • Don"t ever play "Lady of Spain"again!
  • Most folk heroes start as criminals
  • Ya know what I mean, Vern?
  • And now you know the REST of the story
  • 'Tis but a skirmish on the frozen seas in the War for Hocketonia
  • Bad Andy, Good Pizza
  • Hunker down, man
  • And it's time to play the Fued
  • You can put it on the board, YES!
  • How can you have pudding when you haven't finished your meat?
  • Pick a letter, buy a vowel, or spin
  • Good wood, solid spank, major league crank
  • It's the feel good edition
  • Crackatoa, east of Java
  • The red blood cell count is up, Oh Hemoglobin
  • Yahtzee
  • I am amused by the simplicity of this game
  • We all know the games aren't played on paper...they're played by little men inside TV sets
  • My power is beyond your understanding
  • Do you want to play with fire, Scarecrow?
  • It's do-si-do and away they go
  • Can I get a witness from the congregation?
  • Rock me, Amadeus
  • That's the fact, Jack
  • Roll up the windows and lock the doors, we might be in for a long one
  • We are equal opportunity annoyers
  • It"s not just a game, it"s an adventure!
  • Rock stars...is there anything they DON"T know?
  • The Power of Christ compels you
  • Predators Hockey: Survival of the Fiercest!
  • If a parsley farmer is sued, do they garnish his wages?
  • Is it true that cannibals won"t eat clowns because they taste funny?
  • I wanna die with you Wendy in the streets tonight in an everlasting kiss
  • Tramps like us, baby we were born to run
  • W.W.X.D? What Would Xena Do?
  • Give me ambiguity, or give me something else!
  • I wouldn"t be caught dead with a necrophyliac
  • We"re on a Gravy Train with biscuit wheels!
  • I suffer from Voice Immodulation!
  • Keep the Funk Alive!
  • Wait until the car comes to a complete stop before exiting
  • When in doubt, I ship it out-I got me a rock "n"roll band. It"s a free for all!
  • The stakes are high and so am I-it"s in the air tonight. It"s a free for all!
  • That ain"t workin". That"s the way you do it. Get your money for nuthin"and your chicks for free
  • Your call will be ignored in the order it was received
  • It"s ramming speed at tuna lagoon!
  • Please turn your head and cough
  • The buck doesn"t even slow down here
  • I don"t repeat gossip...so listen carefully
  • Well beat me senseless and call me happy!
  • Eliminate and abolish redundancy
  • Never believe generalizations
  • Relish today! Ketchup tomorrow!
  • What doesn"t kill you only postpones the inevitable
  • Boy bands are the spawn of Satan
  • Rock is dead...long live paper and scissors!
  • Prepare to bow before our invincible irony and sarcasm
  • If you can"t take a joke, then take a hike!
  • Don"t sweat the petty things; and don"t pet the sweaty things
  • You can pick your nose and pick your friends; but you can"t wipe your friends on the couch
  • Remember: Pillage THEN burn!
  • Stop global whining
  • If they can send 1 member of N"Sync into outer space, why can"t they send them all?
  • I"m not forty-something...I"m $39.95 plus tax
  • If it"s too loud, then you"re too old
  • I"ve upped my standards...now up yours
  • Drug Rehab Centers are for quitters
  • If your eyes are the windows to your soul, then is your nose the doorbell?
  • Tell a buddy and bring a friend-buy; sell; trade! Don"t you dare miss it!
  • I may not have the key to success, but I know how to pick the lock
  • We Rock!
  • You cannot question our level of rockness
  • Our rock-icity is paramount
  • If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. If life gives you limes, make margaritas
  • You can run, but you can"t hide, brother
  • Long time listener, first time caller
  • Caller, turn your radio down
  • A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants
  • If the professor on Gilligan"s Island can made a radio out of a coconut, why can"t he fix a hole in a boat?
  • 4 out of 5 people think the fifth guy is an idiot
  • Snip-snip here, snip-snip there, and a couple of tra-la-la"s
  • Wave yo freak flag
  • Put some stank on it
  • Dat was off da hook
  • I gots to be screamin"
  • If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
  • If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
  • Well cut off my legs and call me shorty!
  • Break us off somethin"proper
  • We got more flava than Kool Aid and Cocoa
  • I play my enemies like a game of chess
  • I like the way you work it, no diggity
  • It"s my world, kids, and the rest of you are just payin"rent
  • Break me off a little somethin"somethin"
  • That must be jam, cuz jelly don"t shake like that
  • Call me big mama when you back that thang up
  • We"re not picking on you...it"s our job
  • You will report to the stables tonight and EVERY night at 19 hundred hours, and WITHOUT your Pledge Pin!
  • Looks like sody-pop...watch it fizz!
  • Get out the rye bread and mustard, Granny...it"s grand salami time!
  • Put your tray tables and seat backs in their upright and locked position. We"re #1 for takeoff
  • Good morning, good afternoon, and good night!
  • Take off your pants and jacket, baby!
  • Put on your fightin"shoes, "cause we"re in for a donnybrook!
  • Get your dirty paws off me, you damn, dirty ape!
  • Lucy, you got some "splainin"to do
  • I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food
  • If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you"ve never tried before
  • Not one shred of evidence supports the idea that life is serious
  • For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
  • A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand
  • Eagles may soar, but weasels don"t get sucked into a jet engine
  • Consider the daffodil. And while you"re doing that, I"ll be over here looking thru your stuff
  • On the whole, I think Preparation H feels good To me, hockey is like ballet, except there"s no music, no choreography, and the dancers smash each other.
  • Who throws a cupcake...honestly?
  • If you ever drop your keys in a river of molten lava, let "em go..."cause man, they"re gone
  • It"s nothin"but porkpies and a bag of tripe!
  • How "bout a smoke and pancake? Flapjack and a cigar? Pipe and a crepe? Bong and a blintz?
  • I was adopted by freakin"Belgians, heh?
  • Waffles and brussel sprouts filled the air
  • Easy peezy, lemon squeezy
  • I thought I smelled cabbage!
  • On top of spaaa..gheeeetie all covered with cheeee...eeeze
  • I didn"t have any corn?!
  • I have a huge rodent problem. A bit off topic, but a tragic problem nonetheless
  • Mole...mole...moooooole. Cut it off, slice it up and make some guaca-MOLE-eeee
  • Confucious say: crowded elevator smell different to midget
  • Confucious say: fly who rest on toilet seat get pissed off
  • Confucious say: if you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient
  • The Romanesque Church Design was based on the Roman Basilica...discuss
  • Don"t eat the urinal mints
  • Blessed are the cheese makers
  • Two pointy ones, a flat one, and a packet of gravel
  • Alms for an ex-leper! Ja-gu-ars earlobes...ocelot spleens...wolf nipple chips!
  • I want them fighting wabid, wild animals within a week!
  • Welease Waja!
  • A bicycle can"t stand on its own because it is two-tired
  • What"s the definition of a will? It"s a dead giveaway
  • A backwards poet writes inverse
  • In democracy it"s your vote that counts. In fuedalism its your Count that votes
  • A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion
  • If you can"t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed
  • Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I"ll show you A-flat minor
  • That man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered
  • A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blown-apart
  • Every calendar"s days are numbered
  • The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison would be a small medium at large
  • Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end
  • Santa"s helpers are subordinate clauses
  • Acupuncture is a jab well done
  • Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer from the agony of da feet
  • Isn"t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
  • OK...if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags"and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs,"then what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
  • If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean one of them enjoys it?
  • If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
  • If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  • When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
  • If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed Up?
  • News Flash! Police Station toilet stolen! Cops have nothing to go on.
  • If all else fails, stop using all else.
  • When life gives you lemons, shut up and eat your damn lemons!
  • Never pet a burning dog!
  • I"m feeling uppity!
  • Heartless mockery is practiced here.
  • We"re not good at empathy. Will you settle for sarcasm?
  • EVERYBODY should get to box Paula Jones.
  • If we weren"t meant to eat animals, how come they taste like meat?
  • Why do psychics have to ask your name?
  • I love cats...but I can"t eat a whole one.
  • I feel so naked without my clothes.
  • Everything we needed to know we learned in prison.
  • I AM the Man from Nantucket!
  • Everyone says I"m in denial, but really, I"m not!
  • Your Jedi Mind Tricks do not work on me.
  • Well, la de frickin"DA!
  • Practice safe eating-always use condiments.
  • Down with pants! Up with kilts!
  • Follow that car, Godzilla...and step on it!
  • Always Avoid Alliteration.
  • Sometimes I wake up Grumpy. Other times I let her sleep.
  • The only person who got everything done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe
  • A barrel of monkeys would not be fun...it would be horrifying!
  • Oxymoron #6: Customer Service
  • Oxymoron #8: Mental Bliss
  • Oxymoron #9: Political Ethics
  • Oxymoron #12: Cafeteria Food
  • Oxymoron #14: Microsoft Works
  • Oxymoron #18: Rap Music
  • Oxymoron #21: Government Assistance
  • Oxymoron #22: Original Copy
  • Oxymoron #30: Self-Help Group
  • I used to be a kleptomaniac, but I took something for it.
  • Save a tree! Wipe your butt with an owl!
  • Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
  • Men say the first thing they notice about women is their eyes. Women say the first thing they
  • Notice about men is that men are a bunch of liars!
  • Health nuts are gonna feel stupid someday lying in a hospital dying of nothing.
  • Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach them to use the internet and they won"t
  • Bother you for weeks.
  • If at first you don"t succeed, then skydiving isn"t for you.
  • Always remember: you"re unique. Just like everyone else.
  • Why is the word "dictionary"IN the dictionary?
  • Why is "abbreviated"such a long word?
  • Why is the third hand on a watch called the second hand?
  • I don"t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
  • If it wasn"t for the last minute, NOTHING would get done.
  • Remember, kids: don"t take candy from strangers unless they offer you a ride.

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