Welcome to the Cellblock
Your Hockey Humor Headquarters from Predators Territory
   Home | Taunts | Humor | 303 Store | About | Contact

The Opposition

General Taunts | Complaining | Player Thrown Out | Falls Down |
They Do Well | Slow Skater

General Taunts

  • You maloderous heap of parrott droppings
  • We"re not being rude....you"re just insignificant
  • You improvident lack wit
  • Beg for mercy, you panzies
  • I don"t think you"ve got the grapes
  • Survey says: You reek
  • ________ is a mouth breather
  • Your rep is bismirtched and sullied
  • No soup for you
  • You"re a hogs-head of sour owl sick
  • He"s slicker than whale snot on an ice flow
  • You pendulous-breasted Mennonite wet nurse
  • You regularly seek the low company of card sharps, dandies, and assorted beasts of the field
  • You"re ten pounds of monkey crap in a five pound bag
  • Sit on it, Potsy
  • You dropped your purse, you sissy
  • Where"s your dress and lipstick sweet cheeks?
  • Grab some pine, pal
  • Give me an R...give an E...give me a D......what"s that spell? LOSERS
  • What a fruit cup
  • Die, you gravy sucking pigs
  • You suck...and your little dog, too
  • His drug abuse was legendary
  • He"s Nimrod"s Great Uncle
  • Well, bless your little pea-pickin"heart....you scum bag
  • Ya long eared galute
  • Click on to www dot "I"m a wimp"dot com
  • Click on to www dot "bite yourself"dot com
  • And that"s the bottom line cause 303 says so
  • Your misfortune brings us glee
  • You are the margerine of evil
  • This ain"t the WNBA...put on a dress Shamiqua
  • (Whistle) Here ___, ____, ____...it"s time for your taunting (3 times, up an octave each)
  • You"re not part of the problem, you ARE the problem
  • Do both of your parents have the "Loser"chromosone?
  • You aren"t so much a "has been"as a definite "never was"
  • Your head is as empty as a eunuch"s underpants
  • You stuck up, half-witted, scruffy lookin"nerf herder
  • Get a sex change and become a man!
  • I feel sorry for your tiny brain...all alone in that big fat head
  • Is that your face, or does your butt have teeth?
  • When you have an idea, it"s in solitary confinement!
  • When everything"s going your way, you"re probably in the wrong lane
  • It"s obvious your gene pool had no lifeguard
  • You are ugly and built to last
  • You must"ve fallen out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down
  • I"m betting you"re immune to any serious head injury
  • In your optimum environment, you"d be locked in a life and death struggle with mushrooms
  • You"re just another flash in the bed pan
  • You"ve got one foot in the future, one foot in the past, and you"re pissing on the present
  • You"re like a screen saver: you look good, but you"re useless
  • You"re as sloppy as a soup sandwich
  • You are three bag ugly
  • You"re uglier than a hat full of assholes
  • You"re as ugly as a warthog and half as smart
  • You're uglier than a mud fence, and half as useful
  • You used to have a handle on life, but it broke
  • I bet you"d give your right arm to be ambidextrous
  • Does your husband play, too?
  • How'd you get a square head in that round helmet?
  • Nice uniforms--where's the Star Trek Convention?
  • I just saw your name on the Where Are They Now list
  • Hey, __________, how's that bus ride to (minor league affiliate)?
  • _________ is to hockey what Urkle is to "Family Matters"
  • You thick-tongued, lubricious teuton
  • If thinkin' were drinkin', you'd be a six pack
  • You are punishingly stupid
  • I don't have any questions, I only have a statement: The _______ suck.
  • _________: body by Nautilus, brain by Mattel
  • We mustn't act with charity towards that sawed-off little lummox
  • You always cease to amaze me
  • No man is an island...except for ______"s Jupiter-sized head
  • You"re as useful as used dental floss, and twice as smelly
  • Why don"t you take up crochet and knit yourselves a real uniform?
  • You guys lack identity-your colors should be biege and grey
  • If there was a new way to lose, you guys would discover it
  • Warm up the bus
  • Who made your uniforms: Garanimals?
  • Does your mommy still dress you?
  • Other teams win and make it look easy; you guys lose, and make it look hard
  • The (team) diet is better than Jenny Craig...you only eat when they win
  • You guys are just 4 players away from being a good team. Those players"names are Gretzky, Orr, Lemieux, and Roy.
  • Hey, _____, you suffer from T.M.B. (Too Many Birthdays)
  • You are filthy, stinking rich...well, two out of three ain"t bad
  • I guess you and (team) are together for better or worse-they couldn"t do better, and you couldn"t do worse
  • Your are the weakest link
  • You look like some sort of deformed Pez dispenser
  • I bet you sit down to pee
  • You look as confused as a baby in a topless bar
  • I despise you with every fiber of my being
  • You moisened bint
  • You wat"ry tart
  • I looked up "hockey player"in the dictionary, and it said "not you"
  • You"re pathetic: P-A-thetic
  • You"re choking-I can see the rope burns around your neck
  • You"re in deep kimshee now
  • I"m trying to imagine you with a personality
  • Gimme a "Wuss."Gimme an and "E."What"s that spell? Wuss-ey!
  • I bet a box turtle would find you insufferably obtuse
  • Just because you have one doesn"t mean you have to BE one
  • How many times do we have to flush you before you go down
  • On your first day of school, your parents dropped you off at the wrong nursery. There you were, surrounded by trees and bushes
  • The closest thing you ever got to a 4.0 in High School was your blood alcohol content
  • I see your I.Q. tests were negative
  • I think your problem is low self esteem, which is very common among LOSERS
  • (coach) doesn"t like hockey jokes...he sees too many of them skating for his team each night
  • Listen to me, you wretched little toe rag
  • Hey coach (name), Ronco called...your "Hockey For Quitters"video is back ordered
  • You knock-kneed scab picker
  • Before you criticize, walk a mile in someone else"s shoes. That way, you"ll be a mile away when you rag on them AND you"ll have their shoes!
  • If ugly were bricks, you"d be a high rise
  • You could scare a hungry wolf off meat truck
  • You could look up a camel"s butt and scare its hump off
  • You"re so old there are hieroglyphics on your rookie card
  • You"re so old your memory must be in back and white
  • You"re so old the candles cost more than your birthday cake
  • You"re so old you must fart dust
  • If it"s true that that you learn from your mistakes, then someday you"ll know EVERYTHING
  • (Name) rides the short bus
  • I found the website for men with no testicles. The address is www.(name).com
  • Hey, (name), wipe that dog slobber off your lips
  • Hey, (name), why don"t you get a sitcom on the WB and disappear forever?
  • You"re so dumb you think a quarterhorse is what you ride in fron of K-Mar
  • (Name) doesn"t know the meaning of the word "quit"...or a lot of other words for that matter
  • You guys were eliminated on opening night
  • Your father was a turd, your mother was a turd, and you sir, are a turd
  • Hey, (name), the (farm team) has a locker with your name on it
  • Do you guys actually practice, or do you just show up for games?
  • You even stink in the video game
  • You couldn"t make ice without a recipe
  • You"d be more entertaining if you were on fire
  • I can"t believe they wasted 1/3 of a scholarship on you
  • You stink like a porta-potty in July
  • Hey, (name), your mom just made bail
  • Do you think you"ll like this game once you catch on?
  • 1972 called, they want their haircut back
  • The biggest contribution you could make to the (team name) is to go on the DL
  • You look a whole lot better since they dug you up
  • I"ve got internet stocks in better shape than you
  • Did the alien forget to remove your anal probe?
  • Catholic school girls slap harder than you
  • You"re so stupid you would"ve bought Anne Frank a drum set
  • What a jerkwater dweeb
  • I bet you have more back zits than a 14 year old working a deep fat friar
  • You"re officially more self-destructive than Anna Nicole Smith left alone with a box of chocolate perkadam
  • I"ve got bigger chunks of corn in my crap than you
  • You could be the defender of the year if everyone else in the NHL dies
  • That was NOT Phi-Beta-Kappa
  • You couldn"t beat the Sisters of Mercy
  • Looks like your gene pool could use a filter
  • When you get lost in thought, it must be unfamiliar territory
  • You"re so old, you remember when the Dead Sea was sick
  • Is that your face, or did your butt grow a nose?
  • You have an IQ of 2...and it takes 3 just to grunt
  • I bet you have a ticket stub for the original David and Goliath match
  • What do _____ and blank have in common? They"re both empty from the neck up
  • Is it true that the toughest 4 years of your life was third grade?
  • When God said "Let there be light,"_____ threw the switch
  • ______ was the waiter at the Last Supper
  • If brains were chocolate, you wouldn"t have enough to fill an M&M
  • Did you sign a contract with Ivory Soap? "Cause you look all washed up
  • Bring out the elephants, "cause the clowns are already here
  • You have all the virtues I dislike, and none of the vices I admire
  • Only the mediocre are at their best all the time
  • There"s a fine line between genius and stupidity-apparently you erased this line
  • You are a modest little person with much to be modest about
  • Who are you? Pinnochio? Play like a REAL boy!
  • Look at their bench-I haven"t seen that many zeroes in a row since Mr. Spock had a book signing
  • The magic number for this team is 911
  • Instead of a logo, you should just have a dollar sign on your jersey
  • I don"t wanna say you"re soft, but I heard you just got your own make-over show on Bravo
  • I mock you with my monkey pants
  • Me thinks you smell like Admiral Browning
  • You, sir, are a pyro-flatulatory anal announcement
  • What a trouser trumpet
  • What a back-door conquistador
  • What a bahookie pit (a-hole)
  • I think you bowl from both ends of the lane, if ya know what I mean
  • You"re as bent as a nine-bob note
  • I hear you"re an uphill gardener
  • I hear you like putting from the rough
  • That Rear Admiral is a navigator of the winward pass
  • He"s a poo-packer, a marmite driller, a mudvalve mechanic, a chocolate chimney sweep!
  • He"s a lunchbox lancer, an exhaust pipe engineer, a kakpipe cosmonaut!
  • I hear you like to lick both sides of the stamp
  • I hear you like to drop anchor in Bum Bay
  • I believe he strolls down Bourneville Blvd. (or Cadbury Alley)
  • You"ve got a strain on your face like you"re dropping a blackpool rock
  • You just dropped a brewer"s fart-grains and all!
  • Enough of your butt sneeze!
  • Go chew some dog toffee!
  • Your face must be a fist magnet
  • You are a marmite motorway
  • You make me want to park the custard (vomit)
  • What a pocket frog!
General Taunts | Complaining | Player Thrown Out | Falls Down |
They Do Well | Slow Skater

Complaining

  • Shut your pie hole, ya whiner
  • I see you went to the Brent Sepergia School of Etiquette
  • Don"t have a hissy fit
  • I see you"ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public
  • All reports are in...life is now officially unfair
  • Looks like the hogs ate your little brother
  • If my aunt had a package she"d be my uncle
  • No cryin"uncle in hockey
  • I can read his lips, and he"s not praying
  • Ex-Zip it-A
  • Zip it, Zip it good
  • Click on to www.shhh.com
  • Wanna wear the daddy pants? Ya gonna squirt some? Ya gonna cry?
  • Shhhh...big boys don"t cry
  • When you"re in the main chamber use the big boy voice
  • Doesn"t play well with others
  • Oh whaaaaa
  • Cornholio lives
  • Why so fussy?
  • Put a sock in it, pal
  • Shut your flappin"yap
  • Get your fanny perpendicular and march over to that sin bin
  • It"s the pexiglass prison for you, petunia
  • Quit crackin"wise before I rake one "cross yo lip
  • What a nob
  • What a dimbulb
  • The winner of the Golden Disptick tonight: __________
  • Enough of your flap doodle and twaddle
  • Your story grows tiresome
  • Sphincter deluxe
  • Quit yer yappin"and sit down, ya panzy
  • Mommy, does he need a nap?
  • Simmer down, big boy
  • Who is that flabber puss?
  • Look, your worshipfulness
  • Shhhhh...big boys don"t cry
  • Mom, he needs a spankin"doesn"t he?
  • I"m NOT a brat. I"m not! I"m not! I"m NOT!
  • An your cry-baby, whiney-ass opinion would be...?
  • You make me sick when you speak, Morris
  • George is getting"upset!
  • You"re killing independent George!
  • Worlds are colliding!
  • Hey, ________, it"s official: you SUCK!
  • What is your major malfunction, numbnuts?
  • Know your role and shut your mouth!
  • What does _______ think about this? It DOESN"T MATTER what ______ thinks!
  • You're blockin' , babe...tell us what your REALLY think
  • Are you the President of the "Piss And Moan About Everything Club?"
  • You"re as subtle as a well-thrown brick
  • Save your breath, you'll need it when you blow up your date
  • ___________: 1 % player, 99 % Jack Ass
  • You can blame Canada
  • They're so cute at this age
  • You can trouble me for a glass of shut the heck up
  • Now you will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep
  • Let"s stop all our fussin"and a fuedin"
  • Give him a pacifier
  • Grab some pine, pal
  • Oh, cry me a river
  • Look, he"s got a big snot bubble he"s cryin"so much
  • Save your breath, you"ll need it to blow up your date after the game
  • Stop your foul whining, you filthy piece of distended rectum
  • Listen to me, you wretched little toe rag
  • Stop global whining
  • Looks like he"s having a grand mal seizure
  • Why don"t you call 1-800-CRY-BABY?
  • He"s got more whine than California"s vineyards
  • What we have here is a failure to communicate
  • You"ll find the back of my hand quite displeasing
  • Shut your deformed mouth before I nail it shut
  • Looks like he"s lobbying for a do-over
  • Uh-oh...someone"s got some daddy issues
  • Oh boo-frickety-hooo!
  • Is he being wattled by a cwowd of wabble wousers?
  • If you"ve got an issue, here"s a tissue
  • Reality takes it"s toll...please have exact change
  • Somebody call the waaaaaambulance!
  • Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience.
  • I see you"re pissing off the whole planet one person at a time.
General Taunts | Complaining | Player Thrown Out | Falls Down |
They Do Well | Slow Skater

Player Thrown Out

  • Ariva dirche
  • Auf weider sein
  • Au Vua
  • Sia nara
  • Buenas noches
  • Ta ta
  • Toodle loo
  • Good riddance
  • Rest in Peace
  • Bye Bye
  • So Long! Farewell! We hate to see you go! (from "The Sound of Music")
  • Ride off into the sunset, cowboy
  • You, off my planet!
  • Aloha means goodbye
  • Stick a fork in him: he"s done
  • T.T.F.N. (Ta Ta For Now)
  • Earth is full...go home
  • Take a powder
  • See ya, wouldn"t want to be ya
  • Be gone with you
  • There is a certain finality to this resolution
  • End of story...finito
  • See ya later, tater
  • Put a tag on his toe and lock up the drawer
  • Take off, ya hoser!
  • Hasta la vista, baby
General Taunts | Complaining | Player Thrown Out | Falls Down |
They Do Well | Slow Skater

Falls Down

  • Pretty skatin", princess
  • Nice play, Shakespeare
  • Guh!
  • Do"h!
  • Bonk!
  • I hate it when that happens
  • Woop woop woop woop woop
  • HA-ha
  • Oh Whaaaaa
  • Do ra me fa so la te DOH!
  • Now THAT"S embarassing
  • When I say whoa, I MEAN WHOAH
  • Nyuk nyuk nyuk
  • Waa-waaa-waaaaaa-waaaaaaaaaa (wah-wah trumpet)
  • Baa-oooooooooooom (timpani drum being tuned up)
  • Michelle Kwan is in no danger
  • Dammit Jim, I"m a doctor, not a professional skater
  • Gwat!
  • One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR!
  • Who"s your skating coach, Nancy Kerrigan?
  • I"ve fallen and I can"t get up
  • Whoopsie Daisy
  • Is it in your contract that you have to skate like a girl?
  • He pulled a groin...his own, we hope
  • 1, 2, 3, 4, he just hit the icy floor 5, 6, 7, 8, where the hell d"you learn to skate?
  • If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
  • Ohhh...he fall down go boom
  • You"ve got a case of The Zactlies: you skate zactly like a woman
  • Skate, Forrest, Skate!
  • The new (name) action figure-the only thing it hits is the ice
  • Give him some viagra, he can"t get up
  • Must"ve been a sniper
General Taunts | Complaining | Player Thrown Out | Falls Down |
They Do Well | Slow Skater

They Do Well

  • Ooooooo, I hates rabbits
  • Get that dog off my lawn
  • You"re deth-picable
  • Hoodwinked again
  • You vicious rapscalian
  • Earthly vermin, you shall die for this
  • Thanks for the sour persimons, buster
  • Yoooooou disgust me
  • Now you"ve made me very angry
  • You know....this means war
  • Well, we like ourselves, don"t we?
  • Please make the bad man stop
  • I say "Hard cheese"to you
  • Get that dog off my lawn
  • Ya fargin"iceholes
  • Ya sons of bastages
  • Go pound salt
  • Where"s the saran wrap, we"ve been foiled again
  • You"re a dirty bird, mister man
  • He is evil and must be stopped
  • Sufferin"succotash
  • What a sack o"dump
  • A googalplex of curses on you, sir
  • You, my friend, are inconsiderate
  • This is troublesome to us
  • What lolligaggers and ne"er-do-wells
  • Where I come from, that just ain"t right
  • Now he mocks us
  • Celebrate your little cowpie promenade
  • That"s the wast stwaw
  • You"ll smoke a turd in Hell for that
  • It"s all a bunch of tree huggin"hippie crap
  • You realize this is NOT going to go unchallenged?
  • Tickle us, do we not laugh? Prick us, do we not bleed? Wrong us, do we not revenge?
  • If that don't beat all
  • You are a mephetic harlequin cast down by God to torment a weary world
  • There is no hell foul enough to contain your fetid soul
  • And the players are gay...and joyful
  • You will pay for your foolishness
  • See the repression inherent in the system?
  • Help! Help! I"m being repressed!
  • Good for you, studly
  • If at first you DO succeed, try not to look too astonished
  • You started out with nothing, and you still have most of it
  • That"s it, give Turd Ferguson a high five
  • Bully for you
  • That really chaps my caboose
  • I just want revenge...is that so wrong?
General Taunts | Complaining | Player Thrown Out | Falls Down |
They Do Well | Slow Skater

Slow Skater

  • He"s as slow as steam off of pookey
  • Any slower and you"d be in reverse
  • It"s hard to believe that you beat 100,000 other sperm
  • You"re pedaling real fast, but not getting anywhere
  • It looks like you prefer three left turns to one right
  • If you were in a two-man fifty yard dash with a pregnant woman, you"d come in third
  • You"re so slow, you have to speed up to stop
  • You"re so slow, they have to drive stakes in the ice to measure your progress
  • You"re so slow it takes you an hour to cook minute rice
  • Unhitch the trailer
  • Someone call U-Haul-one of their long-bed, wide-body vans is on the loose
  • You"ve got a lot of up and down, but not much forward
  • I could time you with a sun dial
  • You skate slower than a fat girl chasing a chihuahua up a staircase
  • You"re pulling a trailer with a piano in it
  • Tumbleweeds roll uphill faster than you skate
  • You should have a disclaimer on your jersey that says "Allow 4 to 6 weeks for delivery."
  • I"ve seen better legs on a chair
  • He"s not slow...he"s just big-boned
  • Move around ya lummox, you"re tilting the ice
  • I"ve seen better moves at a paraplegic midget dance
  • He skates like Pac Man: waka-waka-waka-waka
  • What"s the matter, you need a running start?
  • Are you wearing your sister"s skates?
  • I"ve seen more movement in a statue
  • Hey, Jabba, did Hans Solo ever pay up?
  • You skate like you"re moving furniture
  • Your average speed is slower than a hippo on stilts
  • Put some wheels on that wagon you"re pulling
  • You"re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter
  • Are your skates nailed to the ice?
  • He"s so slow, I saw him on an escalator yesterday and a step passed him
  • I"ve seen better legs in a bucket of chicken
  • The team bus could navigate the ice better than you
  • You move like a potted plant
  • Maybe someday you"ll learn to play that piano you"re dragging around
General Taunts | Complaining | Player Thrown Out | Falls Down |
They Do Well | Slow Skater

Section303.com
Home of the loudest fans in the loudest arena in the NHL