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Ref Taunts

  • Thank you, we are all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view
  • I don"t know what your problem is, but I bet it"s hard to pronounce
  • We"ll try being nicer if you"ll try being smarter
  • I know nutzzzzing
  • Thou lieth malignant thing
  • Thou art thrice a double ass
  • What a crock of nasal pastry
  • Thank you, Johnny Shafto
  • That communist Mory Amsterdam
  • We"ve been soaked by a Hosey Cow
  • We are dubious of your assessment
  • Even a broken clock is right twice a day
  • Today, while we"re young
  • I say, I say, PAY attention boy (Foghorn Leghorn)
  • That"s nasal pastry on a nilla wafer
  • Hey, Ref, your proctologist called...they just found your head
  • Hey, Ref, your village called, they"re missing their idiot
  • Hey ,Ref, Satan called; he said "Wow! Even I"m impressed!"
  • Hey, Ref, your Career Counselor called... he still has no clue
  • Hey, Ref, your mother called...she wishes you were never born
  • He, Ref, Leader Dogs For the Blind called...do you want a schnouzer or a collie?
  • Hey, Ref, the ACLU called...they can"t even defend you
  • Hey, Ref, the Acceptance of Diversity Society called...they said YOU SUCK
  • Hey, Ref, mae West called..she said "do you know how to whistle? Yous just pucker your lips and blow."
  • Hey, Ref, Johnny Cochrane called...he said he wouldn"t touch you with a ten foot pole
  • Hey, Ref, Hitler called...he said you"re doing a great job
  • Hey, Ref, your doctor called...what"s an Anal Hematoma?
  • Hey, Ref, Shirley Temple called...she said "Bite me Zebra Boy"
  • Referee Cartman says "Respect my authori-TIE"
  • What"s it feel like to be livin"in a van down by the river?
  • Where did you learn how to ref, at the University of Suckatonia?
  • Did you take officiating classes at Butt Munch Community College?
  • You stuuuupid eeediot
  • You don"t know JACK SQUAT
  • Still waiting for that spine donar
  • He"s so ignorant he couldn"t pour piss from a boot if the instructions were written on the heel
  • That"s beyond B.O.
  • Three Blind Mice...and occasionally a fourth
  • If brains were bird droppings, your cage would be clean
  • Oh, split hairs why don"t ya?
  • Whats-a-matta-you?
  • Dammit, Jim, I"m a doctor, not a professional referee
  • Dammit, Jim, I"m a doctor, not a professional linesman
  • I"m just an unfrozen caveman referee; you"re complex rules frighten and confuse me
  • I"m sure you"re asked this all the time, but what IS your problem?
  • Someone must"ve tinkled in your gene pool
  • Hey Ref, 9 out of 10 voices in my head say "don"t shoot."
  • When I snap, you"ll be the first to go
  • You bear an uncanny resemblance to Jar Jar Binks
  • So when"s the Wizard getting back to you about that brain?
  • Hey ref, thanks for the steaming pile of JACK
  • I"ve been watching your work closely, and couldn"t help notice that IT SUCKS
  • Your wheel is turning, but your hamster is dead
  • Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; apparently you only gargled
  • The cheese has done slid off your cracker
  • The gates are down, and the lights are flashing, but the train ain"t comin"
  • When your IQ reaches 50, you should sell
  • You would be out of your depth in a parking lot puddle
  • You"re a gross ignoramus, which is 144 times the normal ignoramus
  • You blind, bi-sexual communist
  • You couldn"t find your own butt cheeks with both hands
  • What part of "heeee-hawww"(mule sound) didn"t you understand?
  • Criticism is just one service we offer
  • You"re crazy enough for a postal service job
  • I"m blind, I"m deaf, I should"ve been a ref!
  • We got a rope, we got a tree, all we need now is a referee
  • Nuts and bolts! We just got screwed!
  • Elevator, elevator, we got the shaft!
  • Hey, Ref, get off your knees. You"re blowin"the game!
  • Zebra, zebra, short and stout, find your head and pull it out!
  • You"ve got a brain like a BB in a boxcar
  • You"re a butter knife in a prime rib world
  • You would be a pacifist out of necessity in a battle of wits
  • You"ve got a photographic memory, but the lense cap is glued on
  • You"ve got a photographic memory, but he forgot to load the film
  • You"re a titanic intellect in a world full of icebergs
  • You"re all booster, and no payload
  • You"re all crown, and no filling
  • You"re all foam, and no beer
  • You"re all hammer, and no nail
  • You"re all hat, and no cattle
  • You"re all wax, and no wick
  • You"re full throttle, with a dry tank
  • You"re a fur coat, with no knickers
  • You"re a gasoline engine, with diesel fuel
  • You"re all bricks, and no cement
  • You"re sitting in the right pew, but the wrong church
  • You"re always sharpening his sleeping skills
  • You have an intellect rivaled only by gardening tools
  • He"s as sharp as a bag of wet mice
  • You"re as thick as a whale omelette
  • You"re as thick as pig dung and twice as smelly
  • You"re as smart as Christie Brinkley is ugly
  • You"re nearly on a higher plane, but you lost your boarding pass
  • Your baler done ran out of twine
  • There are too many birds on your antenna
  • You are too pointless to be called a pinhead
  • You were born during low tide in the gene pool
  • Both of your oars are in the water, but on the same side of the boat
  • You don"t have both oars in the water
  • You couldn"t find your own butt with two hands and a flashlight
  • You couldn"t count to 21 if you were barefoot and without pants
  • You couldn"t get a clue during clue mating season in a field full of horny clues if you smeared
  • your body with clue musk and did the clue mating dance!
  • You are so clueless, you could BE God and still be an atheist
  • You must suffer from Clue Deficit Disorder
  • You"re so dumb that blondes tell jokes about you
  • You"re so dumb, you went to the dentist to have your cranial cavity filled
  • You are so stupid, mind readers charge you half price
  • You are solid concrete from the eyebrows backward
  • Your dock doesn"t quite reach the water
  • You don"t have all your corn flakes in one box
  • You don"t have all your groceries in the same bag
  • Your belt doesn"t go thru all the loops
  • Your driveway doesn"t quite reach the garage
  • You"re as dumb as a sack of hammers
  • You"re dumber than a box of rocks
  • You"re one bean short of chili
  • You"re one beer short of a six pack
  • You"re one bird short of a flock
  • You"re one board short of a porch
  • You"re one melon short of a full load
  • You"re one brick short of a pile
  • You"re one donut short of a dozen
  • You"re one car short of a chase scene
  • You"re one chapter short of a novel
  • You"re one chicken short of a hen house
  • You"re one feather short of a whole duck
  • You"re one french fry short of a Happy Meal
  • You"re one froot loop short of a full bowl
  • You"re one goose short of a gaggle
  • You"re one handle short of a suit case
  • You"re once inch short of a yard
  • You"re one link short of a chain
  • You"re one brain cell away from being a talking monkey
  • You"re one nut short of a full pouch
  • You"re one pancake short of a stack
  • You"re one pea short of a pod
  • You"re one pearl short of a necklace
  • You"re one pickle short of a jar
  • You"re one sandwich short of a picnic
  • You"re one sentence short of a paragraph
  • You"re one single short of a roof
  • You"re one shrimp short of a barbie
  • You"re one sock short of a pair
  • You"re one enchilada short of a combo plate
  • You"re one tower short of a castle
  • You"re one tree short of a hammock
  • You"re two bits short of a dollar
  • You"re a few skivvies short of a sea bag
  • Your elevator doesn"t go all the way to the top floor
  • Your elevator is on the ground floor and you"re pushing the "down"button
  • Your elevator is stuck between floors
  • Your oil doesn"t reach your dipstick
  • You have enough sawdust between your ears to bed an elephant
  • You"re 51 cards short of a full deck
  • You"re half a bubble off plumb
  • You"re long on dry wall, short on studs
  • Happiness would be seeing your picture on a milk carton
  • You have only one chopstick in your chowmein
  • You have the mental agility of a soap dish
  • You haven"t got all your china in your cupboard
  • You"re writing bad checks on a closed account
  • You"re not a complete idiot...some parts are missing
  • You"re really into yourself...your head is up your ass
  • You"re not the brightest bulb light in the harbor
  • You"re not the sharpest knife in the drawer
  • You"re not the sharpest tool in the shed
  • You"re not the sharpest nail in the box
  • You"re so dense, light bends around you
  • You"re knitting with only one needle
  • You"re landing with your gear up and locked
  • You're not the sharpest tack in the box
  • You left your booster on the launch pad
  • You only packed half a sandwich
  • You"re missing a layer of insulation in your attic
  • Your monorail doesn"t go all the way to Tomorrow Land
  • Your mooring lines don"t reach the dock
  • You must"ve ignored a knock down pitch while playing baseball
  • You"re living proof that nature does not abhor a vacuum
  • Your ears serve the same function as holes in a dribble glass
  • Your lint trap is full
  • Your pool balls don"t fit in the rack
  • Your ski lift doesn"t go all the way to the top of the hill
  • Your wipers don"t touch the glass
  • Your brain would rattle around in a gnat"s navel
  • Your gene line isn"t just dead, it"s extinct
  • Your golf bag does not include a full set of irons
  • Your head whistles in a cross wind
  • Your jack can"t get a car off the ground
  • Your mind has reached escape velocity and achieved orbit
  • Your seat back is not in the full upright, and locked position
  • Your spirit guide is a three-toed sloth
  • Your train tracks aren"t quite parallel
  • Your fan is working, but the freon has leaked out
  • Your heater is plugged in, but your rheostat is shot
  • The space between your ears powers vacuum pumps
  • The spit valve has fallen off your trumpet again
  • You have an IQ of over 150, if you combine all three of you.
  • If brains were dynamite, you wouldn"t have enough to blow your nose
  • If brains were farts, you woudn"t have enough to stink up a match box
  • If brains were gasoline, you wouldn"t have enough to drive a dinky car around the inside of a cheerio
  • If brains were grains of sand, you wouldn"t have enough to fill a thimble
  • If brains were water, you wouldn"t have enough to baptize a flea
  • If you had half a brain, your butt would be lopsided
  • Your brain could be a renewable energy source for hot air balloons
  • If you were any dumber, you"d have to be watered twice a week
  • If ignorance were bliss, you"d be orgasmic
  • If there were a merciful God, you would be dead by now
  • If those two refs were to knock heads, the implosion will suck all of the air out of the arena
  • If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you"ll get change back
  • In a tub of preparation H, you would shrink down to thumb size
  • You make a black hole look bright
  • You might still be a virgin, except for what nature did to your mind
  • You"ve got a mind like a steel sieve
  • You"ve got a mind like a steel trap...rusted shut
  • It"s obvious you"ve never had a head cold, since diseases can"t exist in a vacuum
  • You"ve got no filter in your coffee maker
  • There"s plenty of salt in your shaker, but no holes in the cap
  • You are out there where the buses don"t run
  • People around you are at risk of second hand idiocy
  • You play solitaire...for cash
  • You"ve got no grain in your silo
  • You"ve got no hay in your loft
  • Not all of your dogs are barkin"
  • You"re not as dumb as you look, "cause that would be impossible
  • Putting your brain on the edge of a razor blade would be like putting a pea on a six lane highway
  • You"d be a perfect percussionist for an acapella group (dum, dum, dum, dum...)
  • Your slinky has a kink in it
  • Smoke doesn"t make it to the top of your chimney
  • The butter has slipped off your noodle
  • There"s nothing wrong with you that couldn"t be cured with a little Prozac and a polo mallet.
  • I bet you talk to plants on their own level
  • You"re as useful as a kick stand on a horse
  • You"re as useful as a mint flavored suppository
  • You"re as useful as dinosaur repellent
  • You use your head to keep the rain out of your neck
  • You have a vertically-fornicated mind
  • You must"ve been left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby
  • When a thought crosses your mind, it must be a long and lonely journey
  • When God said "Come forth for brains,"you came fifth
  • You would make an excellent illustration in a proctology text book
  • You have a room temperature IQ
  • You"ve got the attention span of an over ripe grapefruit
  • Your little red choo choo has gone chuggin""round the bend
  • Your little red choo choo done jumped off the track
  • Judging by the old saying "What you don"t know can"t hurt you,"you"re practically indestructible
  • Your coboose seems to be pulling your engine
  • When's the Wizard getting back to you about that brain?
  • How many times have you done this? None...but I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night
  • I forgot the milkbone for your seeing-eye dog
  • How'd you become a Ref, flunk out of Toll Booth School?
  • Hey Ref, do you take Visa or American Express?
  • Can I pet your seeing-eye dog after the game?
  • Have they stopped printing the rule book in braile?
  • The camera's on you, look busy!
  • I thought only horses slept standing up
  • You are a lackluster doughnut vacuum
  • I"m gonna break your cane and kick your dog
  • Hey Ref, your sphincter called, it wants your head out by Monday
  • Next time you go to the eye doctor, I bet your prescription will be a dog
  • Drip the chalupa!
  • Did you find your whistle? Did it taste a little "muddy?"
  • Take your shirt back to Foot Locker
  • Pick a letter, buy a vowel, or spin!
  • If idiots were airplanes, the officials dressing room would be an airport
  • Why don"t you poke a hole in that whistle?
  • How can you sleep with all these lights on?
  • If you"re gonna just watch the game, why don"t you buy a ticket like the rest of us?
  • Stevie Wonder could"ve seen that one, Ref
  • You must be staying at the Holiday Inn, "cause they"re the only hotel in town with braile numbers on the elevators
  • There"s a town in Massachusetts named after you-it"s called Marble Head
  • how could you miss that "Galooley"(slash to the legs)
  • Drop your pants, bend over, and use your good eye
  • Are you working here until a good job at Hardees opens up?
  • Chaos, panic, and disorder...your work here is done
  • Is it time for your medication or mine?
  • If your parents divorced, would they still be brother and sister?
  • Hey, Preds, don"t question authority, "cause they don"t know either!
  • (Linesman), relax your fingers and let gravity do the rest
  • (Linesman) Face off! Face off! Tear their face off!
  • You couldn"t guess which way an elevator was going if I gave you two guesses
  • Your brain cells are on the endangered species list
  • If your IQ was any shorter, you"d trip over it
  • People like YOU are the reason that people like ME need medication
  • I hear when you take viagra you just get taller
  • It"s not the heat, it"s the stupidity
  • He had a photographic memory that was never developed
  • Hey Ref, shake your head...your eyeballs are stuck
  • Put that one in your scrapbook Ref...show it to your grand kids
  • Telemarketer, telemarketer...that was a BAD call
  • Thou has eyes to see, and thou see not
  • How about some windex for that one glass eye?
  • You need to go to confession after that call
  • We know you"re blind, we"ve seen your wife
  • Mix in some consistency once in a while
  • Hey, Ref, I"ll take three pencils
  • I was confused the first time I saw a game, too
  • I"ve gotten better calls from my ex-wife
  • When your dog barks twice, it"s a holding penalty
  • Kick your dog, he"s lying to you
  • We"re not picking on you...it"s our job!
  • Be careful when you skate backwards that you don"t fall over your dog
  • If you had another eye it would be lonely
  • I"ve heard better calls at a square dance
  • Which one of you Refs is the designated driver?
  • Move a little, Ref, you"re growing roots
  • What"s the matter, you got a broken arm?
  • Is Mr. Magoo your father and Helen Keller your mother?
  • You couldn"t call a cab!
  • The circus is in town, and the clowns are wearing stripes
  • What were you, a look-out at Pearl Harbor?
  • What were you, a look-out on the Titanic?
  • Does your wife let you make any decisions at home?
  • Pull the good eye out of your pocket
  • If you need the money this badly, get a paper route
  • What are you doing, flipping coins?
  • Take off that welding mask
  • Lenscrafters called, they"ll be ready in 30 minutes
  • You"re blinking too long
  • Leave the gift-giving to Santa
  • I"ve seen potatoes with better eyes
  • For a guy that only works an hour a day, you"re doing a pretty bad job
  • If you had one more eye, you"d be a cyclops
  • Just "cause it"s a night game doesn"t mean you should be asleep
  • Get him a snorkel "cause he just made a dive
  • Hey, Ref, can I help you? "No thanks, just looking"
  • What are you doing, window shopping? Call something!
  • How"s your thumb smell?
  • Give me an "I."Give me another "I."Now, give them to the Ref
  • I"ve upped my standards...now UP YOURS!
  • That call blows like the solar wind
  • Don"t tinkle on my leg and tell me it"s rainin"
  • What"s your slogan? We waste time so you won"t have to?
  • We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those "Police Academy"movies?
  • For fun? Well I didn"t hear anybody laughin", did you?
  • Try not to let your mind wander. It"s much too small to be outside by itself
  • I have never killed a man, but have read many obituaries with great pleasure. I can"t WAIT to read yours!
  • Keep calling "em like that and you"ll be baggin"groceries by April
  • How can you eat with those hands?
  • Hey, referees, which one of you is the designated driver?
  • C"mon, ref, MCI doesn"t make that many bad calls
  • Hey, Sleeping Beauty, wake up!
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